The Out Frontier

Pride and Marriage

2011-06-04T00:19:00.002-05:00

So I have been thinking a lot lately about the topic of Gay Pride and the issue of same sex marriage. Recently the town I live in had its first pride festival and it drew some local criticism from people accusing us of flaunting our chosen lifestyle in their faces. In addition to that civil unions are now legal in the state I live in and there has been controversy surrounding that. As there always is when the subject of same sex marriage comes up. First let me address the pride issue. For Springfield this was a first, it lasted one day and over 1200 people showed up. For Springfield this was phenomenal. But for 1 day out of 365 gay people were out and proud, not afraid to kiss, hug, and be themselves in public. My question is how is this flaunting? Every other day of the year are gays and lesbians not subjected to the flaunting of heterosexuality? Everything from advertising to depictions of relationships is designed to flaunt a heterosexual favoritism. So my response to those who complain of flaunting is that for 1 day I think we are entitled. For 1 day members of the LGBT community can be who they are and show the world they are proud to be that way. Now onto the subject of same sex marriage. A post made by a family member to facebook spurred this, a post she has sense deleted all opposing comments from. She argued that marriage is between a man and woman for the purpose of creating a child and that is all that is biblical acceptable. She also argued that the separation of church and state should be maintained and protected by enacting legislation that limits “marriage to one man and one woman”. I have several arguments on this. First is that the institution of marriage is not solely and institution of faith. If it were this would not be an issue as I believe every church has the right to choose for itself that it will marry and set its own criteria for doing so. But it is not that simple, first a “marriage” can now be conducted by a judge meaning you never have to step foot in a church or involve religion in anyway in order to be married. Marriage is also a vehicle by which over 1,000 federal benefits alone are based. This makes marriage something that transcends the confines of just being and institution of the church. It has a dual purpose and a dual existence. Again I don’t think a church should be forced to perform a marriage for anyone that does not conform to the teachings of that church, that right is guaranteed by the 1^st amendment separation of church and state. But I also find that by banning gay marriage you are saving marriage and preserving the separation of church and state to be absolute BULL SHIT. You want the government to pass a law that tells churches who they cannot marry and that is preserving the separation of church and state, yet passing a law say who they CAN marry is a violation of the separation of church and state. More telling is what religions are behind this. In Illinois and other states the Methodist Church, the Episcopalian Church, the Unitarian Universalist Church, and several synods of the Lutheran Church have all said they will marry same-sex couples who meet all other requirements of the faith to be married in the church. It’s the Catholic Church and the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints (the Mormons) as well as the southern Baptists that are pushing that in order to save the separation of church and state you must blatantly ignore it. This logic is not only dangerous, it is stupid, and the sign of an ignorant argument that is the sign of a mind so weak that it cannot process anything other than the dogmatic bullshit fed into it by a church that wants to blame its decline on the gays rather than its own problems. The decline of the Catholic Church has nothing to do with gay marriage. It has to do with years of cover-ups, greed, and a refusal to move progressively forward.

The Road Back Home

2011-05-26T20:17:00.000-05:00

So its been a very long time since I have posted anything to this blog. In fact I had more or less relegated it to mothballs. Now I have decided to resurrect it, give it a new purpose, and begin sharing my views on issues, politics, current events, and in general whatever my opinion may be on any given issue. I encourage this as a forum to debate issues, and in general have a discussion. I encourage people to challenge me and disagree with me each other, but I do have some ground rules.

There must be a level of respect even if you don't agree
Your post must be intelligent and contribute to the debate, school yard logic will not work
Keep it mostly clean
no personal attacks
have fun and enjoy the debate, we all might learn something.

Stay tuned for more.

Two giant leaps forward, one big step backwards.

2008-11-05T10:32:00.001-06:00

Last night voter across America with a clear voice said they wanted change. And in a historic election Barack Obama, the junior senator from Illinois, has been elected President of the United States. Hopefully President Elect Obama will be the leader that so many of us have invested with our hope, our dreams, and our desires for changed society. Currently Obama has 349 Electoral votes, 52% of the popular vote, and strong majorities in the House and Senate. The next President will face a daunting task of correcting the course of this nation. Leading us out of war, and into a time of peace, out of a recession and into a time of financial prosperity, and to end the inequities if bigotry and hate that have plagued this nation. The mandate of the people has been issued, and now it is the time to sit back and see if we have vested our trust in the right man. With the construction of an administration, and the assembling of a cabinet over the next several weeks, and almost certain supreme court appointments over the next 4 years, now is a time in American history unlike any other, and we have the opportunity to see change first hand, for better or worse.
And on a brief note, my respect to Senator John McCain, for his service and dedication to his country, as well as the classy way in which he ended his campaign without desperate legal challenges and accusations, but with kind words and a call to work together, putting country first. While I have not agreed with his policies, or the way in which his campaign has been ran, John McCain deserves the respect of a grateful nation, which he has served his entire life, as a navy officer and a United States Senator.
Finally, last night despite a national mandate for change, Arizona, Arkansas, California, Florida have all voted to ban gay marriage. It was a long and expensive fight, filled with attacks that played to people’s fears, insecurities, misconceptions, stereotypes, and prejudices. Let it be known however that this fight is not over. We will not just go quietly into the night. In time, this country will come recognize basic rights for all of its citizens. The history of the world is filled with ideals of hate and bigotry, and time and time again, the better angels of mankind have prevailed, it might not be tomorrow, it might not be next week, next month, or next year. Nevertheless, it will happen, and I truly believe it will happen within our lifetimes. And last night we took a big step towards that by election Barack Obama President of the United States.

The Closing Arguments

2008-10-28T10:48:00.000-05:00

"In one week, we can choose hope over fear, unity over division, the promise of change over the power of the status quo," …"In one week, we can come together as one nation, and one people, and once more choose our better history. That's what's at stake." – Senator Barack Obama
2008 is an election that will change all of our lives. All across this nation, we have a choice to make, we have to choose hope over fear, we have to choose unity over divisions, we need to bring the change this country desperately needs. It is up to us to choose the course of our history, and we do not get second chances to make it right. I used to hold Senator McCain in a high regard, and would have voted for him in 2000 when he ran for President, had that John McCain showed up this time, then I might still be one of his supporters. But John McCain has sold out, he has sold out his principles, he has sold out to the religious right, he has sold out to the neo-cons, and he has turned this from an election about real issues facing real people and tried to take it to the lowest common denominator playing off people’s fears and prejudices, and it is time that Senator McCain take his final curtain call because his 15 minutes are up. But who we vote for as our next President we need to look at ballot propositions. In five states there are proposed amendments/propositions that would deny rights to gays and lesbians and ban gay marriage, California (VOTE NO ON 8), Florida (VOTE NO ON 2), Arizona (VOTE NO ON 102), Connecticut (VOTE NO ON 1), and Arkansas (VOTE NO ON 1). This is an election that will have consequences, consequences on our economy, our nation defense, our foreign policy, and our basic fundamental rights to equality. As I said we don’t get second chances, we don’t get do over’s, this is the defining moment of a generation to stand up to the fears and prejudices of the past, this is our chance to overcome division and take a stand for equality. This is our chance to have our shining moment in the sun. We are at the crossroads of American History, and our destiny is of our own choosing, so make the choice, make the choice that will ensure a better tomorrow for all of us.
CALIFORNIA: Vote No on 8
FLORIDA: Vote No on 2
ARIZONA: Vote No on 102
CONNECTICUT: Vote No on Question 1
ARKANSAS: Vote No on Act 1

No Title

2008-10-09T10:39:00.000-05:00

Ok,
I am still around. I have just been really busy lately and not felt motivated enough to post anything. Honestly I still don’t. I may decided to keep the blog, I may decide to drop it. I don’t know yet.
BW

Politics Unleashed

2008-08-28T00:18:00.000-05:00

I have found a new political blog that looks like it could be interesting, it only has one post as of right now, but I think this one is worth keeping an eye on.

http://politicsunleashed08.blogspot.com/

BW

Time of Trials

2008-08-01T22:34:00.006-05:00

“We live, my dear soul, in an age of trial. What will be the consequence, I know not.” – John Adams 2nd President of the United States - 1774

Those word where written 234 years ago in a letter that John Adams sent to his wife Abigail. The American Revolution would not begin for nearly another year, and the United States, consisting of the thirteen colonies, did not declare their Independence until July 4, 1776. Today, more than two centuries after those words where used to describe the tumultuous times leading up to the American Revolution, those words could not more accurately describe the time we live in. Gas prices continue to rise, global warming continues to grow worse, home foreclosure on the rise, the economy going down, this is a new age of trials and the consequences of our actions. As I watch the developing campaign, I see two choices developing. The first is John McCain, going back in time 8 years, I would be right there with the man. Eight years ago, McCain was the maverick; he was the man who would stand against his party when it was the right thing to do. The John McCain who ran for President eight years ago died when his campaign was crushed by the establishment backed Bush 00 campaign. Then there is Barack Obama, on the surface he brings a fresh face with a message of hope can change we can believe in. However one question remains, is Barack Obama the real deal that so many have staked their hopes and dreams in, or is he an opportunist saying what he feels the people want to hear, not what they need to hear. As far as the current situation, I will say this. A former boss of mine was fond of the phrase “doing the right thing wrong”, to me that is the perfect description for the current administration, and albeit I also agree in several areas, he has been just flat wrong. However, in terms of the war on terror, national security, and domestic intelligence, has he not done what the people demanded? Did the American people not demand retaliation for 9/11, did the American people not demand the government take measure to know about and prevent such attacks, and did the American people not demand a feeling of security and safety? The American people got exactly what they asked for; they just did not realize the price they would have to pay for it. As far as the war, I agree something needed done with hostile countries who actively sought to inflict pain and suffering on this country. The Iraqi War should never have been needed if the original dessert storm had been fulfilled to completion. As my boss used to say, it’s doing the right thing wrongly, we went into Bosnia claiming human rights violations, could we not have made the same arguments against Iraq, god knows the evidence was and is there, could we not have made a case that after nearly two decades of UN resolutions it was time for action, we didn’t need to fabricate anything. This is indeed a new age of trials, and as we continue on, I cannot say what the consequences of our actions will be; I cannot say which candidate is better. Do we put our faith in trust in a man who was sold out, and has sold himself out over the last eight years, do we trust that he will go back to be that man? On the other hand, do we trust the young Idealist to be the man we all hope he is?

The Free World

2008-06-11T22:31:00.002-05:00

First, the set up.

Driving to work today my car radio locked itself on the AM band (don’t get me started, I am getting a new one next month). And I got to listen to this blow hole talk about how great America is, how we are the leaders of the free world and how we have so many rights and freedoms in this country, that if people don’t like it they can just leave. The blowhole in his next segment went on to talk about the dangers of a black President, said that their fried chicken and watermelon would ruin the White House and that they would never get the smell out, this blow hole also talked of the dangers of allowing the homosexual agenda to be pushed upon us, we are endangering our marriages and our children if we believe that the homosexual agenda is harmless, yet we are the leader of the free world.

Now, for my soapbox

Citizenship in America is not easy, to quote a movie, America is advanced citizenship and you have to want it. When is America going to get it, free speech is about more than being able to stand up and say whatever you desire, free speech is the ability to acknowledge someone is standing in the middle of room advocating at the top of their lungs what you would spend a lifetime opposing at the top of yours, that is the freedom of speech. Freedom is taken for granted in this country; freedom is taken to mean freedom for those who agree with you, a moral standard, and a belief system shoved down everyone’s throats, while we pretend to have a freedom of religion. What happened to the ability to change the channel if you find something offense, why do we need it regulated, censored, or banned, pick up the remote and change the damn channel, it isn’t that hard. Moreover, what exactly is it about that homosexual agenda that scares the hell out of you, why you are so insecure in your beliefs, and in your marriage that you think the two boys in a loving relationship down the block will ruin it for you is beyond me, and if you can figure that out, well then you are a smarter person than I am. Let ask our allies such as France, Germany, the United Kingdom, Sweden, or the Czech Republic, Hungary, Uruguay, Slovenia, Spain, and Norway how they feel about same sex unions, those countries all have some form of legalized same sex union, and none of them have been stricken from the face of the earth, married couples did not cease to love each other or be married because two people of the same sex are also in a committed union together. America professing to be the leader of the free world is a crock of shit. Before we can profess ourselves to be the leaders of the free world we need to establish what freedom is, not a one sided “I am free to inflict my views upon you”, but an open debate, an open world where two people can stand openly in a room and profess their beliefs openly, and have the person standing next to them respect their right to be able to do it, that is freedom. Let us see that taught in classrooms, defend that, then we can stand up and sing about being the land of the free. The problem with so many people in our society, especially our leader is not that they do not get it, but that they can’t sell it. We have many issues facing our society, a failing economy, a falling foreign policy, a failed war, and what we need are serious people who get it to take charge and work together to solve the problems facing our nation. Most politicians are not the least bit interested in what our problems really are, they are interested in making you afraid of it, and telling you who is to blame for it, that is how elections are won. Senator Obama was right when he talked about apathetic voters who cling to their guns and bibles because that’s all they feel they have. Republicans have gotten really good at that game, you don’t need to debate issues, you just need to talk about family, values, character, and scare people that the other side is coming to take that away next. We have real problems facing this country and it is time for serious people to step up and help pull this country back up, and for blow holes like the moron on the morning radio, it’s past time that your fifteen minutes are up.

Thank you and good night.

America, This is Our Moment

2008-06-03T21:57:00.002-05:00

Some quotes from Senator Barack Obama's speech 06/03/08.

YES WE CAN, YES WE DID, AND YES WE WILL.

OBAMA 2008, onto Washington, and the White House.

"because you decided that change must come to Washington; because you believed that this year must be different than all the rest; because you chose to listen not to your doubts or your fears but to your greatest hopes and highest aspirations, tonight we mark the end of one historic journey with the beginning of another—a journey that will bring a new and better day to America"

"So it was for that band of patriots who declared in a Philadelphia hall the formation of a more perfect union; and for all those who gave on the fields of Gettysburg and Antietam their last full measure of devotion to save that same union.

So it was for the greatest generation that conquered fear itself, and liberated a continent from tyranny and made this country home to untold opportunity and prosperity.

So it was for the workers who stood out on the picket lines; the women who shattered glass ceilings; the children who braved a Selma bridge for freedom's cause.

So it has been for every generation that faced down the greatest challenges and the most improbable odds to leave their children a world that's better, and kinder, and more just.
And so it must be for us.

America, this is our moment. This is our time. Our time to turn the page on the policies of the past. Our time to bring new energy and new ideas to the challenges we face. Our time to offer a new direction for the country we love. "

The political reality

2008-05-28T07:06:00.001-05:00

As I watch the current race for the Whitehouse, I find myself, shocked, appalled, and even disgusted by what is going on, even as a major in political studies, I am finding this current situation to be stupid. When is America and American voters going to get their heads out of their asses and pay attention? When can we have a campaign that is about issues, ideas, policy, not about the petty bullshit that a tabloid media and the intellectually lacking people who thrive on it push down our throats? Senator Clinton is still in the Democratic race for the nomination, despite trailing in money, pledged delegates, popular vote, and loosing super delegates by the day, and no mathematically possibly way to catch up. Her claim is that she, not Senator Obama can win in November, well Senator Clinton after the hatchet job you, your husband, and your daughter (who yes, you have pimped out on the campaign trail) have done, no wonder he is going to have a tough fight in November. Senator Clinton has had the nerve to say shame on Barrack Obama, well senator, SHAME ON YOU. You have made this race not about issues, but about Race, Gender, who can where a flag pin and call themselves a patriot, and who can sell out their friends the quickest. Do I agree with what Senator Obama’s former pastor has said, NO, I do not, but I also don’t think that you can judge Obama based upon it. I have friends who are racist, I have friends who have done some really stupid and wrong things, but they are still my friends, they know I do not always approve of what they say or do, and I most certainly do not always think the way they do. This race has accused Senator Obama of being a Muslim because of his name, hinting he may be a terrorist agent trying to infiltrate the government. Others will not even listen because he is black. Well people, NONE OF IT FUCKING MATTERS. It’s not about if your black or white, male or female, Christian or Muslim, Wealthy or Poor, what matters is what the next person to hold the Presidential Office will do to fix what has gone so terribly wrong over the last 8 years, what they next President will do to ensure a safe future. Everyone seems to want to know that, but it’s not the policy speeches that get attention, it’s not the ideas that get debates, it’s the tabloid garbage that is discussed around the water cooler so to speak. Senator Obama was correct when he spoke of American voters. People have become apathetic , and they cling to whatever they can that makes them feel safe and comfortable, guns, religion, “family values”, whatever it may be, and anything that comes along and challenges that apathetic security blanket is attacked, no attention is paid that the grass may be greener on the other side, and that the world could be a better place, we have all become to disinterested to care, to scared to dare to find out. Hopefully, some day we can have campaigns that focus on issues, and not what a candidate had for breakfast, or what an old friend of relative did, but unfortunately that day is not today, and by November millions upon millions will spent destroying the records and reputations of both candidates. Imagine what a campaign would look like if those millions got spent educating voters on issues, and ideas, that is real politics.

Im back,

2008-05-11T21:35:00.000-05:00

Ok,

So I have not totally forgotten about the blog, I do still look in on things, but life has been so damn chaotic lately I just haven’t had the chance to do anything other than classes, work, class, and study for finals. There have been a few developments. I was turned down for my internship, but a week after I got that letter I was called and offered it. Therefore, I am rushing paperwork through to do the internship this summer, so YAY for me on that one. Finals sucked, I think I might have even failed one of them, but I think my grades where high enough to pull me through with a C overall for the class, just as long as I never have to see that class again I will be happy. So there is brief update, I will be posting another post soon, getting back to some of my philosophical, political, subject matter and out of the personal realm for a while. So get ready, the soapbox is back, and I am about to climb on up.

BW

Humanity erased

2008-03-23T21:09:00.001-05:00

I have been reading this story about a young woman from Alton Illinois who was tortured and killed by another woman and her children (story here http://www.lincolncourier.com/story.asp?SID=27344&SEC=8). Matt from Debriefing the Boys has also commented on this, and brought into it a discussion of the death penalty, and the evilness of some people. I have worked in the criminal courts for over two years. While I cannot disclose some of what I have seen, I can say some it can make your skin crawl, and some of it can turn you blood cold. Its true the majority of my day is simple crap, misdemeanors for underage drinking and drug position, but every so often is one of those cases that can make you question at what point someone stops being human and becomes simply unadulterated evil. Now as far as the death penalty goes, I don’t really know where I stand on it. On one hand I understand that killing someone wont undo their crimes, and I know that for the most part it is not a deterrent to crime, but on the other hand do we out to the victims to make sure the criminal never gets the chance to do it again, should taxpayers have to cloth, feed, and shelter these people like from Alton who have shed their humanity and savagely tortured human being. The people in Alton held a woman locked in a basement, they used her for target practice with their BB guns, they burned her cloths, they would not feed her, so why as a society do we owe those who did these unthinkable things to this innocent young mother, who was also pregnant, any better. These monsters murdered a 29-year-old woman, took the chance at life of her unborn child, and took her from the life of her 1-year-old child who was also treated in horrible conditions. Now as far as some further commentary on the Death Penalty, I find that those who oppose it the most are Catholics and evangelicals. Now just some notes on hypocrisy here, the bible does say an eye for an eye, and the golden rule says do unto others what you would have them do unto you. No apparently, it is ok to not obey that part of the bible, as well as countless others, but it is ok to discriminate against gays and lesbians because the bible says it is a sin. Rest assured I am not making a gay rights argument out of this, I am just providing some insight. So in short, do these people he did this deserve to die, my answer is yes they deserve to die when and if they are found to be guilty of their crimes, did Timothy McVeigh deserve to die, my answer yes he deserved to die for his crimes. I know this is going to make me hated by some if not almost all of my blogger friends, but it is my opinion. I think the Death penalty should be left as an option for certain heinous crimes, but that it should be done only in extreme circumstances, and that there should be a mandatory requirement for solid forensic evidence and an examination of all that evidence on automatic appeal of any death penalty conviction to ensure we are not executing innocent people wrongly convicted. Comment away.

I'm listening

2008-03-13T20:03:00.001-05:00

I was born in Oklahoma, and half my family still lives there. Most of my moms side of the family (the ones in oklahoma) still dont know that I am gay because they would react just like this bitch. I am sorry to say it, but I am ashamed of where I came from. And its stuff like this that makes me vow never to go back.

World News

2008-03-08T21:28:00.003-06:00

Now as many of my regular readers know, I am very interested in the Olympics, but I can’t help but be concerned by the actions of the Chinese government. Leading up to the Olympics they have committed acts that be describes as nothing short of human rights violations to make sure that while they eyes of the world are on Beijing the cracks and failures of the Chinese society don’t show. Now I by no means a tree hugger, or a huge environmentalist or animal rights activist, but I read this (http://www.dailymail.co.uk/pages/live/articles/news/worldnews.html?in_article_id=528694&in_page_id=1811), and it actually made me cry. I have been raised around cats, I had my own cat that passed away in 2004, then when I moved into my own place I adopted two kitties, sisters, who lived with me until I had to move, but I found them a good and safe home. I have never had any tolerance for people who abuse animals. Cats, and dogs, can be very gentle and loving animals, they provide companionship, friendship, and even love. There is proof that when an elderly person has a pet they do better mentally and physically than those without. I think the IOC, the world press, human and animal rights activists alike need to take a long hard look at Beijing 2008, and make sure that in the awarding of future Olympic games, that the games are not carried out at a premium price on human and animal rights.

Fall from Grace

2008-03-07T23:17:00.001-06:00

Ok, So I am about to stir up a shit storm with this one, but I can’t resist.
Earlier today I was perusing the news and ran across this gem of an article http://www.dailynews.com/ci_8482917?source=rss_viewed on one of my news feeds. It basically (for those who didn’t go read it) is about a 17 year old foster child in California that wants to join the Marines through early enlistment, well the judge who is opposed to the Iraq war said she was against the war and against the army and refused to let the teen enlist. Last month, Berkley California tried to kick the marines out of town calling them murderers. Now say what you will about the war in Iraq, I know almost everyone is opposed to it, myself included, but there is a definite difference between the men and women who serve this country as a member of the armed forces, and those who make the decision to send them into war. I have several friends who proudly wear their uniforms, who have served tours in Iraq and other places, and I am so sick of people disrespecting the troops for just following orders. And for those who say the soldiers are committing atrocities, yes there have been some unfortunate incidents, but by and large, who are we to judge the actions of a soldier in a hostile foreign country, where you don’t know when the next bomb will go off, where the next round of gunfire will come from. It’s easy for people to sit in their comfortable living rooms, or the offices, sipping their Starbucks, or riding in their nice cars to judge the actions of someone who is sleeping in the dirt, wearing clothes that haven’t been washed in weeks, or that still has the blood of their friend who got the ride home in a pine wood box on them. I don’t care if you support the war or if you don’t. The men and women fighting this war are every bit as much the victim. You want names to blame for the war in Iraq, George W Bush, Donald Rumsfeld, Condoleza Rice, those are who you blame, and guess what America, you had your chance 4 years ago to rectify the problem, instead you elected Bush with over 50% of the vote, something even the great Bill Clinton didn’t manage to do in either presidential election. After Katrina people complained that their wasn’t enough national guard troops left to help in the event of disasters at home, the same arguments after tornadoes devastated the Midwest. It’s hypocritical, bullshit that this damned ingrates will sit there and call our soldiers trash and murderers, yet they are the first to bitch when someone in a uniform isn’t there to help them. No matter what has transpired with the Iraq war, the treatment of the soldiers who are just following orders, which is what we train them to do, is absolutely disgraceful. There was a time in this country when a person wearing the uniform was treated with honor and respect, unfortunately, those days are gone. I didn’t use to believe it, but the more crap like this I see truly makes me believe the morality of this country is a thing of the past.

Tragedy Strikes Home

2008-02-14T23:02:00.001-06:00

There is no explanation or reasoning that bring comfort to those affected by tragedy tonight. Tonight the thoughts of many are with the students, faculty, family, friends, and loved ones of the Northern Illinois University. The streets of heaven are too crowded with angels tonight.
BW

The Obligation of a Generation

2008-02-08T17:26:00.000-06:00

With a presidential election less than ten months away, as a nation we are faced with history in the making. No matter who is nominated, you are going to have a first, the first African American President, the first woman President, the oldest president ever. No matter what choice America makes in the primaries and ultimately in November, one thing is certain, we are watching history unfold in real time. As a generation the events happening around us signify one thing, our time is approaching. We have seen the effects of failed policies. We have seen the failure of those elected to lead to do so. We did not have a defining event for our generation such as World War II for our grandparents or Vietnam for our parents. Our generation had 9/11 and a war on terror that has led to a quagmire in Iraq and a failed economy at home. It is our generation who must now answer the call and start to prepare ourselves for our day, when it will be our responsibility to lead and to repair the damage done before us. It is the obligation of each generation to leave behind a legacy to the next, what that legacy is varies greatly. In today’s world what was applicable sixty years ago isn’t applicable today, that doesn’t make it wrong, it doesn’t necessarily make it right, it does make it part of our collective history thought. The responsibility of the subsequent generations is to look at those policies and determine based upon them what to do next, to make adjustments along the way. Unfortunately, many of our generation do not feel the need to be involved, they think it is someone else’s problem to fix, but those days are running out. For the first time in recent memory the under thirty generation is inspired. The man who has sparked that inspiration is a man who little more than four years ago was a State Senator in the Illinois General Assembly, and who two years before that was not even known on the national scene. Senator Barack Obama has inspired a generation who for the last several years has been uninspired; who have been along for the ride hoping things would work out before it was their turn to make the hard decisions. I have listened to mother talk about being a teenager and listening to JFK inspire her generation and RFK after him, both men who inspired the uninspired whose lives were cut tragically short. I can say I have been a republican voter my entire life, but for the first time ever, I have a candidate who excites me, inspires me, lets me believe that hope and change are not impossible ideas. Our generation might not have World War II or Vietnam, we might not have JFK or RFK, but we have Obama. It is time to excite the unexcited, inspire the uninspired, give hope to the hopeless, change to the unchangeable, and to lead a generation to its place in history. I’m not going to tell you who to vote for; I’m not going to debate records or who’s more experienced. I am going to ask you to vote for the candidate who inspired you, the candidate who you think can and will lead this nation to be more than it is, to achieve more than it believes possible. In 1961 Kennedy said this nation would land a man on the moon before the end of the decade, people thought he was crazy for such an assertion, but this nation committed itself and in 1969 we landed a man on the moon. As Kennedy said, we do not choose to do these things we choose to do them because they are hard. Every time in this nation’s history when we have measured our capacity to meet a challenge we realize that capacity may well be limitless, and we reach for the stars.

2008-02-07T00:59:00.000-06:00

Inspiration for the uninspired, excitement for the unexcited, hope for the hopeless, change fothe unchangeable and a limitless capacity to meet any challenge and overcome any obstacle.

Theodore Roosevelt
26th President of the United States
1901-1909

John Fitzgerald Kennedy
35th President of the United States
1961-1963

Senator Robert F. Kennedy (D-NY)
Democratic Candidate for President of the United States
Assassinated June 5 1968

My internship application essay. Please Comment

2008-01-29T18:08:00.001-06:00

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There are some lazy ass people out there. I do not encourage plagarism. PERIOD

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Lower Education

2008-01-23T22:16:00.000-06:00

Well, I had a choice today, over the course of just random thoughts passing through my head (look out regular readers, random thoughts and my mind never end well) I came up with two potential blog topics. Well rather than combine the two (totally unrelated) topics I figured I would use the fairest method I know and pick one of them, I flipped a coin. Rest assured though, I have the other topic in reserve and will be bringing it out very soon. Now I need to preface this with a few things, this line of thinking originates sometime Tuesday afternoon, while I was suffering from an extreme lack of sleep and caffeine and according to some of my friends, I was a walking bitch fit most of the day. Now with that out of the way, here is my rant.

Ok, so well all went to high school, you know those special kids, no not the really smart ones, the other ones. Yup, you guessed it, I am talking about the special ed room. I have reached the conclusion that college needs special ed classes. I mean honestly , I am getting so sick of these people taking classes they are not qualified to be in, don’t have the capacity to comprehend, don’t have the whatever it is needed to succeed in that class. My problem is not that these students need extra time, or extra help, so please don’t think I am being a complete dick (albeit Tuesday I am sure I was being much bitchier about this). But it gets to be a distraction to the students in the class who are fully capable of keeping pace with a class when the instructor has to keep going backwards in a 300 or 400 level class and explaining the basic principles from 100 level courses so some people can keep up, everyone is losing. People who are keeping up start to get bored in the class and quite paying attention because the instructor is constantly backtracking, and the students who need the help end up struggling.

The other part of this is the advisors, if they have a student who they don’t think can hack it in a program, then they should have the stones to tell that student they should really look into something else. I will admit I am not cut out to be a doctor, I suck at science and not real great in math, so for me to go into pre-med would just be stupid. Same principle applies to every program, if you suck at history, or social sciences, don’t be a political studies major. I am not trying to say these people don’t deserve an education, but there should be a program designed for those who are obviously not on the same level as other students. Now I admit to an extent that such a program would provide a way out for slackers and others who think college is that 4 year non-stop party away from mommy and daddy, but in the long run it could free up instructors to teach classes to the intellectual level that will truly inspire debate and learning and not be forced to teach an upper level course to the lowest common denominator .

So this is the end of my rant on higher education. I know some of my readers agree with me, I expect some to burn me in effigy over this, but to be honest I DON’T CARE. I for one am sick of being asked in class if I could rephrase my arguments to be SIMPLER, I am sorry little Johnny can’t keep up, perhaps if by a 400 level political class and little Johnny don’t know who in the fuck Thomas Hobbs, John Locke, or Edmond Burke are then perhaps little Johnny should change his GOD DAMN MAJOR or apply for burger flipper at McDonalds, I’ll be his reference.

Some more on my campus

2008-01-17T23:28:00.001-06:00

I got asked a qustion about what my campus looks like so here are the main building on campus

First up is the Public Affairs Center, or the PAC. home of my Atrium Hideout. The PAC also houses campus food service, the Sangamon Auditorium, 3 seperate theaters and is the underground hub of the entire campus (PAC, Brookens, and Math Sciences are all conected by an underground concourse). It is nice walking between buidling underground when it is freezing outside. As with most of its contemporaries on campus the PAC is based on a design of triangles. This is the building that houses most of the Public Affairs programs including my Political Studies Program.
This is a shot of the Norris Brookins Library. The building is split, half Library, Half classroom and offices. There is not a square room in the whole damned place, neither is their a straight hallway. The joke on campus is that the place was designed by the Psychology Department as a giant rat maze for undergrads. I think the plan failed becuase I know grad students who cant find their way around this damned building. At last check the campus facility services didnt even have a complete floor plan on the building. It also is designed on angles, not a single right angle in the enitre building. Thank God I dont have classes in this building, I might still be roaming the halls.

The Brookins Courtyard
The Health Sciences Building (Also the Math Sciences Building), yeah I know it is on the back edge of campus but im a political studies major, we dont really have a use for this building other than to know its a good place to hide if you dont want anyone to find you, supposedly it has a nice greenhouse, again wouldnt know.

Peace

2008-01-17T17:13:00.000-06:00

Here is a pic of what has become my favorite place on campus. It is the Atrium Lounge in the UIS Public Affairs Center (PAC). I like sitting here between classes or just to study. It’s no one element that makes this place so relaxing. It’s not quite but it’s not loud. You can’t see from the picture but the atrium is on the third floor and is open to the 2nd floor, you can hear the students pass the halls around you, you can hear the lectures from the various rooms surrounding you. At night after the sun sets and large skylight overhead is dark the only lights are the can lights shining down the stone wall and the lights under the railing, it’s not bright but it’s not dark. Temperature is always cool and slightly breezy. The art on the wall is called distant thunder which is a lot like the atrium itself, I always feel distant from everything around me, I am aware of it all but I’m removed from it somehow. It’s a very nice place to study, or just to observe those around you, like the cute guy who keeps looking at the girl a few couches down from me and smiling, or the guy who obviously didn’t do his reading and is trying to cram before class, then there is me silently blogging on this little microverse on campus sipping my tea and munching on my bagel. here is to all of those place we all find ourselves at peace.

And one more picture, from the university itself, kind of old (Back before UIS was University of Illinois Springfield, but when it was Sangamon State University), but still looks very much the same, just not as red as the picture implies (most of the carpet is blue now in the atrium itself so the atrium takes on a blueish tint now while the halls still glow red with the under rail lighting reflecting off the old red carpet,

Class disruption

2008-01-15T15:14:00.000-06:00

Ok,

So most of you know I am a political studies major, now generally speaking we are not that good looking of a group. But in my politics class today the ultimate distraction sat down in front of me. He is tall, tan, brown hair, green eyes, a nice build and what an ass. I am definatly going to have to work on concentrating in this class, and I dont mean on his ass.

BW

And So It Begins, all over again

2008-01-13T20:56:00.000-06:00

So I start classes on Tuesday. I must say I have a relatively easy semester planned. I am taking 14 credit hours, but I only have class two days a week, 10-11:15 12-1:15 and 6-9 on Tuesdays and Thursdays. So far it looks like the only issue I will have this semester will be $$$$, As you have read I quite my full time job about 5 months ago, I had been working part time (30 hours a week) at a local bank, but about a week ago that went to shit. They had agreed to let me leave a couple of minutes early one night a week to make it to class on time, well the little bitch I work with announced after my schedule had been approved went to HR and said she had a class that started at 5:30 and she would have to leave at 5 and not close, which completely screwed me and my class. ( I will interject here and say her class was offered in 6 different sections, mine is offered in 1 section per semester and I must take it before I can take any further classes) Well after “talks” to work it out broke down my employer told me I could drop the class, quite, or take the class and be fired for leaving work early. Well I took option 2. I had another job lined up, problem is it makes $2 less per hour and 10 less hours per week. So needless to say I am in a bit of a money bind at the moment. However, I am sure I will figure out a way to land on my feet. Now if I could just get the bitch at work (new job) to quite calling be a spoiled child of privilege, life would just be peachy. But enough about that. It is 2008, a new year, a chance to start over, whatever that may mean. I am only 24 years old; I suppose we all must take our knocks in life, I am at least young enough I can recover and come out of whatever may happen better off than I am now. As for classes I have decided to share with you all the true level of my insanity, here are my classes: (ECCE is Engaged Citizen Combined Experience (It’s a retarded))

POS 231 – Political Ideas and Ideologies – Course focuses on the role of ideas in politics and assumes that ideas shape politics and history. It explores the prominent ideas and ideologies of the western world of the past several centuries and attempts to better understand our modern world through these prisms. (3 Credit Hours)

POS 373 – ECCE: Introduction to International Relations – This course provides students with the basic concepts and theories of the study of international relations. Topics include: the international system, the balance of power, and economic interdependence. (3 Credit Hours)
POS 409 – Political Parties and Interest Groups – Examination of interest groups and political parties in American politics. (4 Credit Hours)

POS 451 – Empirical Political Analysis – Examines the empirical research process from conceptualization to data analysis and writing the research report. Particular emphasis will be given to research design and causal analysis. Empirical methods explored will include direct observation and survey research. (4 Credit Hours)

Well, I need to get some sleep. I helped prepare and served a Champaign breakfast this morning, I got home last night after midnight and went to sleep around 12:30 only to be up at 5 AM and cooking by 6 AM. Didn’t get back home till 2 PM. So I am tired, sore, and still smell like the fucking pancakes I was making today.

BW

Let it begin

2008-01-08T22:26:00.000-06:00

Ok everyone here is my first full post of the new year.

I have to admit 2007 had it high points and its low points. But it is a new day, and a new year. In 1 week, I start classes again. I am taking 14 credit hours all in political classes. I am not going to get into a full-scale political post here, but this is the time of year when people like me start to get excited. It is no secret that I am a political junkie. Its January of a presidential election year, in less than a month President Bush will issue his last State of the Union Address, Iowa, New Hampshire, Nevada have begun the caucus/primary process, Super Tuesday is one month away, this is my playoffs, my Super Bowl. So get ready, issues posts, candidate posts, and other political based posts in the coming months. I promise I will hold back until after Super Tuesday (Feb 5th for all you junkies out there). So here is a toast to 2007, may the lessons learned guide us forevermore, my the hardships and he bad be written upon the sands, may the good times be written on the tablets of memory, to 2008 may it bring the happiness we seek, may it bring us time with friends and loved ones, may 2008 leave us better in the end than when it began.

Happy New Years Everyone

Let the games begin.

BW

Happy New Years

2008-01-07T23:11:00.001-06:00

Happy New Years Everyone

Well Happy New Years, I will have a full post coming soon. I have just been swamped the last week or so. But I am happy I am up to 1,000 hits on here. More to come.

BW

A Year in Review, 2007 - Bringing Light into the Darkness

2007-12-22T22:03:00.000-06:00

“I realized that I always defined myself in terms of what I wasn’t. Always what I wasn’t, never what I was. And when you do that you miss the moments. And the moments are all we’ve got. Even when I thought I was going to die, even after everything that’s happened, I realized I didn’t want to let go. I was willing to do it all over again, and this time I could appreciate the moments. I can’t go back, but I cant appreciate what I have right now. And I can define myself by what I am instead of what I am not, Alive, and everything else is negotiable.” Babylon 5.

So this is my end of year post. That time where I reflect over the last year and ask myself, what have I accomplished and what I did not. The quote at the top of the page comes from one of my favorite shows, Babylon 5, the lines where spoken by the doctor in the series, who was recovering from a drug addiction, and had almost been killed while helping someone else. After recovering, the doctor said he had found what he was looking for, and this was what he found. As I have eluded too before, it was a little over a year ago I was enjoying the mix of painkiller and vodka, to the point of taking a handful of pills one night with a bottle of Smirnoff. That was the event I credit with giving me the kick in the ass I needed to get my life back onto track and heading in the direction it’s currently headed.

Starting with the spring 2007 semester I returned to school, my first semester was just getting my feet wet, I took two night classes and continued to work both a full and a part time job. I ended the semester with a B average. After that I decided it was now or never. So I turned in notice to my full time job with the County (we will get to this subject more later) that I would be quitting at the start of the fall semester, I did take the summer off from classes. Well at the start of the fall semester, I left my full time job at the county, switched part time jobs from circuit city to a bank, and began 16 credit hours to finish my Associates Degree. Well I ended with a B average overall, a B average on my cumulative GPA and will be heading to University of Illinois – Springfield for the spring of 2008 to work on my BA and MA in political studies. I should be finished in 3 years and ready to see where the world will take me.

Despite everything going rather well with school, and for the most part the job situation going ok (again more on that later), my personal life still seems to be lacking in some way. I have had two random hook-ups over the last year, one was with the cousin of my friend’s former roommate at a party, USA Guy, and the other was the waiter from the restaurant I ate at in St. Louis. I mean several of my friends know about USA Guy, since they were at the party we started making out at. Nevertheless, my family is still kind of an issue, I won’t get into the whole thing over again, but needless to say dad and I don’t always get along, and mom has her head in the sand most of the time, and I honestly think that if she knew I had randomly hooked up not one but two guys she might try locking me up in my room and never letting me out again. It’s like my mom’s idea of being gay is living the life of the perpetual bachelor, she can’t seem to grasp the idea that being gay means falling in love with, living with, being intimate, with another man. The other problem with my social life is living in central Illinois; this isn’t exactly the homo capitol of the world here. We have one gay bar in a town of over 200,000 people, and the next closest one is over an hour away. And part of it is I still have a hard time in social situations, I have never really dated before, so now I am 24 and its like I am going through that awkward teenage stage where you’re not really sure how to even begin. I want to date people, I want to meet someone, but I don’t really know where to even start looking. I am hoping to have enough time in the spring to get involved with the UIS gay and lesbian student group, not so much to look for dates (for those of you who asked) but to try and build a group of friends I can relate with, not that my current friends are not fantastic, but I think I really need to try making some other gay friends before I can expect to move on into a relationship.

Now, for the work situation, for the last two years I worked for the County Circuit Clerks Office. There were many reasons for my leaving. One was tension between co-workers and myself. Some of it was my being gay, but mostly it was that I rocked to boat. I was given a position that the previous person had seriously fucked up, and the way the change went down was a little dirty I will admit, but it was what was needed. While the person who held the position was out on medical leave, the manager demoted her to my job and promoted me to her job, a position I held for almost 18 months. In that time I completely changed the way the position operated, took back responsibilities that she had lost. A lot of people felt the way I got the position was underhanded, and as a result I got constant opposition from people when I would make changes, I will say the managers never stopped me, they wanted me to make the changes. Hell, I swear most people threw a party the day I left, they just could wait for me to be out of there, even as I trained my replacement I could hear the whispers about me leaving. Well now 5 months later those same people have apologized to me, they have begged me to return, and In much the same way I got the position in the first place, another dirty deal has been made and sometime after the first of the year I will be returning to my old job at the county. I guess it’s true that your never really appreciated until your gone.

So what’s in store for 2008, I don’t know. I do know over the last year I have learned to stop defining myself as what I wasn’t, but to live my life defined by what/who I am. I am alive, and everything else is negotiable. I am who I am, It’s a constant struggle, walking a line between expectations of who you are and actually being who you are, it’s easy for people to talk about not compromising who they are, but in practice it’s not always that simple, that easy. For 2008 I intend on continuing with school, even with working more. I am also hoping in 2008 to open up more socially. For too long I let other expectations dictate to me what I would do, and I am starting to overcome it, but it is a slow process. Well, this will probably be my last post before the New Year, so to all my readers. Happy Holidays and Happy New Year.

Closing out 2007, good night and good luck
BW

Untitled

2007-12-15T22:23:00.000-06:00

I don’t know really where to begin with this post, When I decided to write one tonight I had already picked out what I wanted to say, the topic, everything. Then life intervened. It’s no secret to the readers of this blog that I don’t always have the greatest relationship with my dad. Well, things keep getting worse, I don’t know why, and to be perfectly honest I am getting tired of trying to figure it out, wondering what I will say that will set him off next. I feel bad for mom, she is stuck in the middle, but at the same time she has her head stuck in the sand hoping that we will all just get along. I don’t know what to do, the screaming matches, the snide comments, how long can I put up with it. Right now I see two choices, I give up on school (again) take a full time job back and move out on my own again, or keep putting up with it, killing myself mentally, and finish my degree. I don’t know if I can take 18-24 months of his shit, Longer if I go for the MA. I just don’t know anymore, I am getting tired, I can’t keep dealing with this shit. I moved out because of this shit in the first damn place. I supposed I could try mom’s head in the sand approach, she “has words” with him, might get us by another week, maybe a month, maybe 2 if we are lucky then the snide comments start, then the yelling. I know my education is the way out, but does the road to it have to go straight through hell?

I’m back to my old self.

2007-12-11T23:58:00.000-06:00

So I am getting back to my political commentary here. Earlier today I was reading the post by Matt over at Debriefing the Boys (seriously go read it, it’s good). I though he made a good, albeit slightly flawed, argument. But he said something about Voters not being stupid. And now we have the purpose of my post.
Let’s look at the average American voter shall we. IF the average American voter was an informed voter then candidates would not need Oprah (Obama), Chuck Norris (Huchabee), or her Husband (Clinton) to campaign for them, their positions on issues would be enough. Voters don’t look into candidates for the most part anymore, they take exactly what is spoon fed to them and like good little trained dogs they digest it and shit it back out. Anymore it’s all about who can get the celebrity endorsements and the money to make the fancier ads. When did it become more important in American who Ben Affleck is endorsing for president, rather than the candidates position on the issues. I find polling data interesting, but I think a more interesting question would be to ask why a person in supporting a candidate, I guarantee that for about 75% of responses the answer would come down to either a celebrity endorsement or pre-packaged issue that if you spent 5 minutes looking at the candidates record you could prove to be bullshit. Moreover, it all comes down to the dumbing down of America, its happening in our schools, if the kids can’t pass the standardized tests, we don’t try to make the kids smarter, we make the test easier (look up the Illinois Prairie State Achievement Exams, after more than half the Juniors in the state failed to pass the test the revamped the test, making it easier). It is also happening in our entertainment, reality shows like wife swap, and who can fuck who on some desert island are getting viewed more than the news, more than television shows that involve engaging the brain. If a celebrity wants to use their influence to promote something, why not promote to our students safe sex, values that don’t include getting sent to rehab for drug and alcohol abuse, why don’t they encourage kids that there is a difference between a healthy life (eating right and exercise) and an eating disorder to look like a size 0. I don’t ask my mechanic why my e-mail don’t work, I don’t ask they guy at Deli why my cars anti-theft isn’t working, so what qualifies a movie star, or a musician to tell people who to vote for, why does a celebrity have more influence in politics than people who have PHD’s in the fields of Political Science, Public Administration, Economics. The truth is that the American people don’t want to think on their own, they don’t want to research a candidate and become an informed voter, they want to take whatever pre-packaged sound bite they are given and go with it without even checking its validity.

Weekend Update

2007-12-10T20:50:00.000-06:00

And now, Live from a small town in Central Illinois,
This is Weekend Update.
Ok, so I got back from my weekend getaway in St Louis on Sunday Night. The weekend was incredible. I drove down Saturday morning to spend the weekend. The main purpose of my trip was to see the Trans-Siberian Orchestra concert on Sunday. Well Saturday night I went to dinner at the Schlafly Tap Room. The place was great, amazing food, and some outstanding beer. Schlafly has over 30 varieties of beer, 6 are available year round, and the rest are brewed and released at various times during the year and are available while supplies last. While there, I met one of their brewers who proceed to give me several samples of their beers (I purchased three, and ended up trying all of the 12 they had on tap (YAY FREE BEER)) overall, the staff, and the atmosphere was great, really laid back. Moreover, not only was to the beer good, the food was out of this world, everything fresh made in house from scratch, even the salad dressing. And after dinner I even managed to hook up with my waiter (I will pass on a potential pun or joke here). He is a 25 year old student at SLU, and is an Irish Catholic, brown hair and the most amazing green eyes ever, waking up next to him was great, he was one of those guys who you just like to watch sleep, and my room had a big window that looked out over the St Louis skyline, so seeing him sleep in the light of the city, ohh if I only had a camera with me. Then on Sunday I had lunch at the brewery again (I swear to God I am not an alcoholic) before the concert. Then there was the concert. I went to the show last year, and I have to say this year topped it. The show was incredible; the lighting was absolutely amazing, as was the pyrotechnics. What was better was that some of the band was at the same Hotel I was in. I met four members of the band in the Hotel Elevator. Oh well I should get back to studying for finals.

Renovations

2007-12-05T10:24:00.000-06:00

Well to my faithful readers im sure you noticed that the blog is no longer the blog in black. I decided I wanted to do some layout changes and add some color to the blog, so here is my attempt at that. Let me know what you think.

BW

Simple Plan

2007-12-04T12:03:00.000-06:00

On my way to class this morning I heard a song on the radio that I have not hears in a long time, and it just seemed to fit my life right now. I swear I will get over this little mood soon and get back to my normal self.

"Perfect"Hey dad look at me
Think back and talk to me
Did I grow up according to plan?
And do you think I'm wasting my time doing things I wanna do?
But it hurts when you disapprove all along
And now I try hard to make it
I just want to make you proud
I'm never gonna be good enough for you
I can't pretend thatI'm alright
And you can't change me'

Cuz we lost it all
Nothing lasts forever
I'm sorry I can't be perfect
Now it's just too late and We can't go back
I'm sorry I can't be perfect
I try not to think
About the pain I feel inside
Did you know you used to be my hero?
All the days you spent with me
Now seem so far awayAnd it feels like you don't care anymore
And now I try hard to make it
I just want to make you proud
I'm never gonna be good enough for you
I can't stand another fight
And nothing's alright'

Cuz we lost it all Nothing lasts forever
I'm sorry I can't be perfect
Now it's just too late and We can't go back
I'm sorry I can't be perfect
Nothing's gonna change the things that you said
Nothing's gonna make this right again
Please don't turn your back
I can't believe it's hard
Just to talk to you
But you don't understand'

Cuz we lost it all Nothing lasts forever
I'm sorry I can't be perfect
Now it's just too late and We can't go back
I'm sorry I can't be perfect'

Cuz we lost it all Nothing lasts forever
I'm sorry I can't be perfect
Now it's just too late and We can't go back
I'm sorry I can't be perfect

A Rant/temper tantrum

2007-12-03T19:55:00.000-06:00

Ok,

So it has been a while since I have gone of a ranting raving temper tantrum, but God fucking damnit, I am sick and tired of my Dad being an ass. Let me back up a minute here and say that my older brother is an aerospace engineer with airbus, my sister a school teacher, and me, the 24 year old college student. This all started about a month ago, my dad got this e-mail with all kinds of questions, he then forwarded it me and my brother, my brother got it and answer all of the questions correctly, I did not get it till later and I looked at the questions and got all the answers as well. I didn’t respond with the answers, figured my brother already had, no need to be redundant, at dinner we were discussing my brother and sister, dad proceeded to make a comment that made it sound like I was the retard of the family, and when I objected his response was “well, like you would have been able to answer those questions. For the fucking record my ACT score is higher than my sisters and 2 points lower than my brothers (23, 26, 28 respectively) and my SAT score is higher than either of theirs. Well I blew it off, then he did it again, and I blew that off. Well tonight he was at a club (a club I happen to be an officer at) and they were discussing a news story about spanking children. He told them that he has spanked all his children, ones an engineer with airbus, ones a school teacher, the only one that it seemed to effect was me. Ya know, fuck you dad, I am sick of putting up with being put down by you. I have over a 3.0 GPA the last two semesters, a B average overall. I am sorry that I had a couple of bad semester a couple of years ago, that whole hiding being gay and being absolutely terrified of what you would do if you found out you arrogant condensing son of a bitch, I’m sorry all that fucked with my head for a while. I’m sorry I have been accepted to an advanced double degree program because I am stupid, or inferior somehow. Because I don’t know jack shit about sports and would rather go to Les Miserables or Phantom of the opera, or Trans-Siberian Orchestra concerts than a ballgame that makes me stupid. I’m sorry I am not like my 14 year old nephew who you think walks on water because he can play sports and quote all the stats off the top of his head, I’m sorry he is damn near flunking out of school, but boy can he throw that ball. I’m sorry he is more the son you wanted than me, but stop putting me down mother fucker.
Ok, my rant is done now, I am recomposed, back to the calm cool, iceman I have grown used to being.

BW

We interupt this blog to bring you

2007-11-30T22:36:00.001-06:00

Ok,

I have finally caught up with myself long enough to post something to the blog, so for those who have missed me, I’m back. So let me recap the last couple of weeks for you. It started with the remodel on my room. Well that became a disaster, we ended up having to pull up and the carpet because of a half ass patch job a previous owner had done, which because of the way we had to take up the old carpet to get to the messed up subfloor, I got new carpet, which meant having to completely empty the room. On top of that I had to help my sister with a project that she just had to have done immediately ( I mix all of the music for the cheerleaders she coaches), and help two friends with computer problems (the problem was determined to be located between the back of the chair and the keyboard). Throw a holiday in there and I am flat running out of time to get shit done. I also had to write three papers, two of them were simple and I just turned in some bullshit to get a grade and get the hell out of that god forsaken class. However, the third one, it was for my political philosophy class, Troystopher and Alternative blog know a bit about this paper. Well, to be honest, it became an obsession. The assignment was to do an 8-10 page paper addressing one of 20 questions the instructor gave us, or create our own scenarios and write a fictional paper that addresses our questions. I choose the fiction option, I ended up turning in a 22 page paper with a 3 page paper explanation. Now if you think that was obsessive enough, I’m not done yet, I created enough back story, character information, I have two legal pads worth of material that could be developed into at least another 100 pages of material, I could damn near write a book. So that has been my life for the last two weeks, work, school, work, school, I haven’t slept much, and have lived off of Sobe No Fear and Adrenaline Rush to keep me moving and halfway conscious. In other news however, I did have three tests cancelled this week, so now I just have final exams to take and I am done this year, no more papers or tests until next year. Well I am off to get some sleep.

In Closing, I was watching and SNL marathon today and figured I would share some quotes

“Schmitts Gay Beer, if you’ve got a thirst and your gay reach for a Schmitts Gay” (Seriously go search Schmitts Gay on YouTube, its funny)

“Don’t be a slut wipe your but” – from a sex ed class sketch

“Dick in a box” – JT with his dick in a box need I say more

And of course the ambiguously gay duo Ace and Gary

BW

Remodel

2007-11-16T22:41:00.000-06:00

Ok so here are some pics of my home renovation project, right now it is a work in progress, Hope to have it dont sometime in the next couple of weeks.

Holidays

2007-11-15T10:26:00.000-06:00

So here comes one of those things that just pisses me off. I have been out shopping at various stores, and since a couple of weeks before Halloween Christmas decorations were already appearing in stores. Now I am not anti Christmas, but come on, the middle of October is to damned early for Christmas shit to appear in stores. Well the weekend after Halloween I went shopping with my mom and what did I hear in the stores, Christmas music playing. I know it gets worse every year, but I remember 5 years ago the “official start” of the holiday shopping season. Now stores can’t get transitioned fast enough from fall to a brief layover at Halloween before throwing Christmas up, thanksgiving is basically passed over anymore. Now don’t get me wrong, I don’t mind Christmas, I don’t mind holiday music, but I don’t want to hear or see it in October. Oh well, guess that is the way it goes then. In other news, I am going to see the Trans-Siberian Orchestra again in St Louis on December 9th at the Scott Trade Center, I managed to score event floor level seats dead center about 30 rows from the stage. So after thanksgiving I have decided to share some holiday music on the blog, I will of course be posting some TSO, but I will also be posting my favorite holiday song from last year from The Dan Band.
BW

PS Remodel progress pics posted tonight

life

2007-11-13T18:04:00.000-06:00

Ok,

So I have hit that post midterm point of not giving a damn and just wanting to be done with classes, homework, and papers for a little while. I always find this to be worse during the fall semester after midterms, because it’s getting, darker, colder, and everything around is dying. Not that I am a big fan of summer or anything, but at least it’s not as dreary. So what have I been doing instead of homework? Well I have been remodeling a bedroom, I will post some pictures of that soon, as well as the final product of the two room renovation I have been doing. I have also been surfing the internet a lot. I guess sooner or later I need to get my ass moving, I have a lot of stuff I have to catch up on right now, it seems like I went from being a head to being behind overnight. Oh, well I will get around to a bigger post on something important later. But in other news. I have kinda/sorta met a guy, problem is guy don’t know it yet, so here is a set up of this, feel free to tell me if you think I am being a stalker here. There is a guy that comes into the bank I work at to cash his paychecks, well I had noticed certain things that set off the gayday, well one night I was looking at one of my friends myspace profiles, and looked at his friends list to see if he had any of our old friends listed that I didn’t. Well while going through his list I found the guy from work who ill call paycheck guy. Well I checked out paycheck guys profile and it confirmed my observations. So I added him as a friend. Paycheck guy face me a weird look the last time he was in but I didn’t wait on him, and couldn’t bring myself to really say anything to him. I mean he is attractive and seems to have a nice personality. I just have never been comfortable talking to guys I am interested in. I can talk in front of large rooms, talk with elected officials and be perfectly comfortable put a guy in front of me I want to get to know better and I become uber shy and wont speak. So feel free to tell me if I am a myspace stalker of tell me what my hang up here is and any helpful advice anyone might have on this.

BW

Homophobia

2007-11-09T18:36:00.000-06:00

Whether you are homosexual or not, you should repost this in support of your friends and loved ones who are. Start a conversation with those around you. Love is not defined by color, creed, or gender.

I am the mother who is not allowed to even visit the children I bore, nursed, and raised. The court says I am an unfit mother because I now live with another woman.

I am the boy who never finished high school, because I got called a fag everyday.

I am the girl kicked out of her home because I confided in my mother that I am a lesbian.

I am the prostitute working the streets because nobody will hire a transsexual woman.

I am the sister who holds her gay brother tight through the painful, tear-filled nights.
We are the parents who buried our daughter long before her time.

I am the man who died alone in the hospital because they would not let my husband of twenty-seven years into the room.

I am the foster child who wakes up with nightmares of being taken away from the two fathers who are the only loving family I have ever had. I wish they could adopt me.

I am not one of the lucky ones. I killed myself just weeks before graduating high school. It was simply too much to bear.

We are the couple who had the realtor hang up on us when she found out we wanted to rent a one-bedroom for two men.

I am the person who never knows which bathroom I should use if I want to avoid getting the management called on me.

I am the domestic-violence survivor who found the support system grow suddenly cold and distant when they found out my abusive partner is also a woman.

I am the domestic-violence survivor who has no support system to turn to because I am male.

I am the father who has never hugged his son because I grew up afraid to show affection to other men.

I am the home-economics teacher who always wanted to teach gym until someone told me that only lesbians do that.

I am the woman who died when the EMTs stopped treating me as soon as they realized I was transsexual.

I am the person who feels guilty because I think I could be a much better person if I didn't have to always deal with society hating me.

I am the man who stopped attending church, not because I don't believe, but because they closed their doors to my kind.

I am a warrior for my country serving proud, but can't be my true self because gays aren't allowed in the military.

I am the person who has to hide what this world needs most, love.

I am the person ashamed to tell my own friends I'm a lesbian, because they constantly make fun of them.

I am the boy tied to a fence, beaten to a bloody pulp and left to die because two straight men wanted to "teach me a lesson". My name is Matthew Shepard.

On October 7, 1998 Aaron McKinney and Russell Henderson lead Matthew to a remote area east of Laramie, Wyoming where they demonstrated unimaginable acts of hate. Matthew was tied to a split-rail fence where he was beaten and left to die in the cold of the night. Almost 18 hours later he was found by a cyclist who initially mistook him for a scarecrow. Matthew died on October 12 at 12:53 am at a hospital in Fort Collins, Colorado. KILLED BECAUSE HE WAS GAY!!!

Separation of Church and State: The Independence of Thought and Function

2007-11-09T08:47:00.000-06:00

Yesterday I was speaking to a group of students (my sister’s class (she is the teacher)) about government, politics, and our state. During the question session, I was asked why during the tour of the state capitol building there was a chapel in the building since in this country we have a separation of church and state. Now this might be sounding like the beginning of another one of my endless rants on religion, but don’t worry this isn’t going there. Now here goes my best shot at constitutional interpretation, and personal opinion. First off, as I have said before people founded this county who fled Europe due to a persecution of their religious beliefs, the Puritans and the Quakers (not the oats people). In the first amendment to the Constitution in the Bill of Rights, its first three words are Freedom Of Religion, and it specifies that congress shall make no laws respecting the establishment of a national religion, or prohibit the free exercise thereof. Then there is the ninth amendment, it protects rights not specifically enumerated in the bill of rights and that interpretation of the constitution and the bill of rights shall not be construed to deny or disparage others retained by the people. On our money the words IN GOD WE TRUST is printed, our pledge of allegiance included ONE NATION UNDER GOD, the bill of rights says that all men are endowed by their creator with certain unalienable rights among them Life, Liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. My point is that religion has also been a cornerstone of our country, however, at the same time a building cannot stand on just one cornerstone. Freedom to practice the beliefs of your choice has also always been a part of our country and its founding as well. I have no problem with an athlete praying before a game, I have no problem with a student who prays is school, I have a problem with mandatory time for “silent reflection” Not every student prays, not every student believes in the same religion, I don’t think this should be something that is forced. I firmly believe in the separation of church and state religion should not be legislated, just as social issued should be considered on merit rather than religious ideology. It’s a fine line, and I know its hard to walk on one side or the other of that line. The founding fathers went through great difficulty in setting up the governance of this country and protecting the rights of the people. So back to the original cause of this question, do I object to a chapel (it’s a room set aside in a corner of the first floor) being in the capitol building, no I don’t, because people are not forced to go there, there is not a mandatory prayer session held in the room, it is there so that if someone chooses to exercise their freedom to express their religion there is a place that they might do so. That’s not contrary to the separation of church and state, that exemplifies it.

Polling Data 2

2007-11-04T07:54:00.000-06:00

Ok here are month two poll results, first number is last month’s totals, then gain/loss compared to last month’s totals, and finally, cumulative votes and percentages. Enjoy. Let month three begin

Democrats 8 total votes cast no change over month 1 cumulative 16 votes
Clinton 4 votes 50% gain of two votes over month one Cumulative 6 votes 37%
Obama 1 vote 12% loss of two votes cumulative 4 votes 25%
Edwards 2 votes 24% loss of one vote cumulative 5 votes 31%
Richardson 1 vote 12% gain of 1 vote cumulative 1 vote 6%

GOP – 6 Votes loss of 1 vote from month 1 cumulative 13 votes
Guiliani 1 vote 16% loss of one vote cumulative 3 votes 23%
Thompson 4 votes 66% gain of one vote cumulative 7 votes 53%
Romney 0 votes 0% loss of 2 votes cumulative 2 votes 15%
McCain 1 vote 16% gain of one vote cumulative 1 vote 7%

Faith

2007-11-03T16:25:00.000-05:00

I have found myself thinking about faith and religion for a while and reading Cody over at alternative life has had me thinking some more and this is the result. With the exception of 4 years of hell known as high school, I received most (1 year in the public during grade school) in private parochial schools. As a result, I have at least some education in the church and church doctrine. I will say here that I no longer believe in the church, I do believe in a higher power of some sort and I believe in fate and destiny and that the universe has a funny way of bringing people into our lives when we need them the most. So where is this headed? Well I keep getting asked by people to define my religious beliefs so here I go. First, one of my biggest bitches with the church is over money. I have worked in banks and have seen some deposits made into church accounts and they aint small people. I see clergy driving 30-40 thousand dollar cars and wearing designer clothes. I have also seen fist hand some of the multi-million dollar churches dedicated to “worship”. So what is my problem with this? In the bible, Jesus led a sermon on the mount; nowhere in the bible does it say to build houses of wealth and vanity to worship the lord. My problem is with multimillion-dollar churches being built while the sick the hungry and the homeless sleep in the streets in the shadows of that million-dollar building. If the entire monetary wealth of the Roman Catholic Church were applied towards doing the work of the lord rather than the trappings of feudal theocracy built on wealth power and greed, what would this world look like? The institution of the church itself is not the house of god, its a billion dollar a year business, not for profit my ass. You wan worship god from a garage, from a tents, or anywhere else, people can gather to worship. My other bitch is the hypocritical judgmental assholes that stands at a pulpit and spout the “words of god” to the applause of those who are too fucking brainwashed to read the book and find the answers for themselves. The bible in black and white says judge not others least ye shall be judged thyself, it also says to love the sinner but hate the sin. I find it funny that Christians can damn homosexuals to hell and treat us like shit and try to keep us from having the same rights as straights in this world because if we want to get technical about things then slavery is perfectly fine, so is polygamy, and we shouldn’t eat shellfish or tough pigs skin. I find it amazing that they can justify what parts to leave in and what parts to ignore as out of date passages, if they can interpret out one part then they can shut the fuck up over another. My last bitch is this, Christians have been one of the most persecuted groups in the history of the world and also one of the greatest offenders of genocide, murder, and torture in the history of the world. I find it amazing the Christians in this country forget that if not for a group of people seeking to escape persecution for their beliefs this country would not exist as it does today, so what in the hell gives the church the right to dictate to anyone what they should believe, how they should live their lives, and who they should love. I’m not anti religion, and I respect anyone right to the beliefs of their choice, if someone chooses to believe the world is flat that don’t affect me, if a person believes in Allah, Buddha, of God its doesn’t affect what I believe, and Who I love, Who I want to marry won’t affect them . Ok end of rant, I am sure I will be catching some shit over this one.

We the People, In order to form a more perfect union

2007-10-30T11:39:00.000-05:00

As any person such as myself who is interested in politics, this time of year is fun for us with presidential politics in the air, this year I have been playing attention to all of the candidates and have especially how they handle questions of gay marriage/unions and gay rights and their various positions on those issues. Now I am not going to get into a detailed post about gay rights or gay marriage, I have done that already and there is no need to regurgitate old news. What I am going to take a swing at is the accusation that this whole gay marriage thing is nothing more than activist judges attempting to legislate from the bench. Now I, as a student of government, believe in the separation of branches of government and the autonomy of each to perform its necessary duties. But my question is what do you do when a branch of government fails to do its duty, or allows outside special interests to unduly influence their deliberations, what do you do then, is it then the responsibility of one of the other branches to step in where the others fail to perform? In my opinions legislatures and executives have failed to take one the issue of gay rights, and it doesn’t matter what party either, the only difference is on party tells us to our faces they won’t help us, the other promises us everything but sells us out behind closed doors. There are plenty of states in this county who have sufficient majorities in their legislatures and Governors offices to pass gay rights legislation and at the very least civil unions, so the question is why. It all comes down to winning elections, no matter what party, it just like it was in the late 1800’s and early 1900’s anyone who actively supported equal rights for blacks was all but committing political suicide. Just watch the democratic candidates closely while they will respond to questions about gay marriage watch their careful non-committal response. The truth is, as long as we continue to let the neo-conservative right and the evangelical right dictate national policy then nothing will change. I wonder how many of their followers would be so faithful if their sins where to be posted on the front page of the times or tribune. So back to the Judges, if a legislature fails to act, then damn right a judge, or anyone else with the ability and power to do the right thing have the stones to stand up and do the right thing. Perhaps if legislators both state and national would grow a pair of balls and quit selling them off to the highest bidder and pandering to every interest group who walks by, what kind of would we/could we live in. I’ve said it before a new civil war is brewing in this country, not between north and south, but a war of ideology, and unless more people start to call for true equality and understanding on both sides, we are headed for a very dark future indeed. Until then bravo to anyone in a position to make a change who has the stones to do it.

Alcohol and Tests

2007-10-29T19:43:00.000-05:00

Ok, So I am starting to think I have found a new study program. I went out drinking the night before midterms, and I ace them. I go out drinking before my last geography test and I ace it also. So I am starting to think I am onto something. Now here is a preview for you of what is to come, I am working on a new post, a return to my political commentary, and this one you dont want to miss, so stay tuned sports fans.

Family

2007-10-29T09:20:00.000-05:00

I know just about every parent has difficulty when their kid sits them down and says I’m gay. Now when I say difficulty that does not necessarily mean a bad thing, to some difficulty could mean trying to understand more about it, to others, it could mean a screaming temper tantrum and kicking the kid out of the house. I came out over a year ago and am still trying to deal with my parents. Neither one of them had what I would call a negative reaction but I’m still not sure they get it. Dad by far has been the most difficult one to deal with, he still makes comments about girls hoping I will find one attractive. He also doesn’t want me to “flaunt it” around him, so basically what that means to me is if/when I do meet a nice guy and want to bring him home for dinner I had best just not. I know I should be patient with him but at what point is it going too far to make him comfortable with my life. Then there is mom, I think she means well but has her head in the sand. Kind of like when I was in drivers education, she would never let me drive the damned car, it was raining, or it was overcast, or the sun was shining at a bad angle, It was a family friend who ended up doing a lot of driving with me because mom would do it. Now I should point out I have a gay cousin on moms side of the family, but he lives the life of the permabachelor. So that’s what from her background being gay is living the life a perpetual bachelor, to her it hasn’t dawned on her yet that I will meet someone and fall in love with a man, I had a date one night and she told me it wasn’t a date, I was just out with a friends. So I don’t know, I would think after 12 months something would be dawning on them, I don’t want to push the matter, but how much should I bend for them. How long until I break trying to meet their expectations of my life, honestly at times with them it’s like I never came out. Hell my religious sister has accepted it and even comments on cute guys around me. I tell mom I find a guy cute and I get this look.

The Big 5-0-0

2007-10-25T08:21:00.000-05:00

Yup, I have had 500 page loads since August 30th 2007. I have to admit when I started this blog, I never expected that in a little over 2 months I would have 500 page loads, I never knew that many people would care about my rants or disturbed views of the world. So for my reader who has a thing for statistics here is some info for ya:
Visiting Nations: United States – 378, United Kingdom – 20, Canada – 14, Australia – 13, Netherlands – 6, Italy, Spain, Hong Kong – 3 each, China, Denmark, Ly, Portugal, South Africa – 2 each, France, Ireland, Sweden, Taiwan, India, Saudi Arabia, Brazil, Bolivia, Poland, Switzerland, United Arab Emirates – 1 each.
My top 2 referrers are Troystopher, A boys Life in Utah, and Alternative Life.
So there ya go just for my loyal, statistics loving, reader.

But seriously thanks to all the readers. There is more yet to come. Let’s see if I can hit 1,000 by Jan 1.

Midterm Update.

2007-10-24T09:25:00.000-05:00

Alrighty then, So this is one of the I was wrong posts. My midterm in my Political Philisophy class, I thought I was on the C/B bubble. well I was wrong. I didnt get a C, and I didnt get a B. I got an A instead, so yup I was wrong.

BW

Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell.

2007-10-23T23:04:00.000-05:00

Let me begin by saying that I am intentionally leaving out a lot of details from this and I ask that anyone who has heard any details not included herein to please not add them in, please trust my judgment on this one.

So I was at a party and ended up hooking up with a semi random guy. We will him USA Guy. Well while unlike most random hook ups we actually laid there and talked after we finished. One of the things we talked at length about was relationships and how neither one of us was really relationship material right now, mainly because at this point we are both career and goal driven, and anything more than friends just wouldn’t be fair, also add in the fact he is currently living many miles away from here. However, USA guys circumstances are a bit different than mine, my being gay won’t preclude me from my profession or finding a job I will enjoy when I finish my degrees. USA guy on the other hand, is gay and in the US Army, something he admits he loves doing even though under current rules he has to hide a very big and important part of himself. Every since we met and had that discussion it has had me thinking. Honestly I don’t get don’t ask don’t tell, I have never been a fan of Bill Clintons and this is one of the reasons. During his campaign, for the presidency he promised the GLBT community that he would allow homosexuals to serve in the military, many believe he implied openly serve. As I see it DADT was and still is a pathetic excuse and attempt to fulfill a campaign promise, something Clinton excelled at, promising the world and delivering very little of it and somehow people love him for it. Now I have several friends in the armed forces and they all share the belief that they don’t care who the guy next to them sleeps with as long as they can shoot straight (no pun intended) when the times comes, and do their job to the best of their ability and look out for their fellow soldiers. And the argument I like the best is that DADT protects gay and lesbian soldiers from harassment and physical harm from fellow soldiers by keeping their sexual orientation a secret, but you tell me is the trade between potential physical assault and the mental/emotional damage of having to constantly hide who and what you are just to be accepted. Gays and Lesbians are required to pay taxes, they are allowed to vote, they are allowed to hold public office, but a homosexual is not allowed to take up arms in defense of their country because some Washington bureaucrat thinks they can tells homo’s what is and is not good for them. It’s kind of like the joke from when I worked at the county, the eight scariest words of all time are I’m from the government, I’m here to help. But anyway, I’m glad I got to spend at least some time with an insanely attractive, extremely smart, kind, caring guy maybe someday in this fucked up world he will be able to have both, a career he loves and a partner he can love openly, but until then to all the homo’s in the Armed forces, keep going, a new day will come, as it inevitably does, we might not see it in our generation, but it will come.

Adventures in Dating

2007-10-22T09:46:00.000-05:00

Lately I have been thinking a lot about relationships. No let me preface this by saying, I don’t feel I need a boyfriend or will die without one. My point is, I honestly just want someone to be friends with who can relate to me. Now I admit like a lot of closeted guys, I never dated during High School so I guess you could say I am really new to this whole dating thing as it is. And I’ll admit I found myself falling for one guy, he problem is he was the guy I could never have, and I still wonder if anything I did helped lend itself to our estrangement now. I won’t go into details on that relationship, so don’t even ask, a few people know but that’s all that needs to know. Well over the last few months I have tried seeking out people to get to know, be friends with, well what I have found so far isn’t much so I decided to share my experience so far, after this we will continue
1. TargetGuy – well he seemed nice at first, just wanted to be friends, go see movies, hang out. Sounds exactly like what I am looking for. Well I was liking him, we had been talking on line and getting along rather well. Well he works in retail and asked me (knowing I used to work in retail) what I thought about it, well I being the blunt honest type that I am told him what I thought, I hated it. Well he went off on a tirade calling me a self-righteous know it all who couldn’t be happy for someone having a job they liked. Good for him, he likes working retail I didn’t end of story.
2. Old Guy – yeah he was just a creepy 54 year old who wanted a “son” to have sex with. Yeah, I’m not looking for a boyfriend, I am certainly not looking for some old man to have some fantasy/fetish relationship with.
3. Stuck up guy – now this guy was older, 38 which I am ok with that, it’s better than 54. He seemed like a nice guy. Well he wanted to see a picture, so I showed him one. We kept talking and then he left with “well nice to talk to but I can’t fuck you, your fat”. First I told they guy I was not looking for sex, I was just wanting to be friends with someone and see what developed. So he is off
4. Straight Guy – yeah he’s the one I fell for but can never have. He was cute, funny, and honestly understood me better than just about anyone. Easy to see why I fell for him ain’t it.

So yeah, I have been out for a year and fell for a straight guy, and the only people I have found while searching for people to even just be friends with have turned out to be old perverts, psychotic, and just plain stupid. So really im not sure what to do, is it me doing something wrong, is it just that this place isn’t the best location on earth for finding other gay guys to hang out with, and is it that rare to find a young (20-38) gay guy who wants more than a quick suck and fuck. I know I am only 24, and I should just be patient. Moreover, like I said I am not into a big hurry to rush into anything right now, because honestly I don’t have time for a relationship right now. And I know once I get out of this town I might have better luck also. So this is the end of my rant on adventures in dating (sounds like a bad 80’s movie don’t it)

Good morning blog fans,

2007-10-18T10:47:00.000-05:00

Yeah, so getting woke up at 2 AM because mother nature wants to be a bitch just sucks ass. I don’t mind storms and severe weather, but could we get it timed a bit better. Well its official midterm weak is over, and out of four classes I have a C/B in Political Philosophy (not sure which one but it’s on the edge), B in Geography, Mid-level C in Biology (which for me is fandamntacstic), and (drum roll please) a midlevel B in Literature (that’s right the class with the bitch, I be making a B). Now all I have to do on my educational journey is to get UIS (University of Illinois Springfield) to remove their head from their ass (I know I am asking a lot now), I mean really is it too much to ask that the right hand know what the left is doing? I applied 6 weeks ago, well they tell me I didn’t submit a copy of my completed transcript from jr College (yes I did), well it turns out there is a glitch in their system that says because it still has an in process semester the system is saying I have not submitted a completed transcript and therefore won’t re-admit me (kinda nice they leave that all to a computer system ain’t it, tuition money at work?). Well they tell me there is this glitch and that they will transfer me to the person who needs to fix the problem, that person says there is no problem, yet my readmission is still blocked for some mystery reason. Be prepared, a great many things involving the University of Illinois Springfield just annoy they hell out of me, and I will probably blog about it on here so that I don’t actually tell the UIS administration that they can go blow it out their ass. So now you ask if it’s that bad why not go to another school. Well the reason is it is still a University of Illinois Degree, and I can still get the University of Illinois blue and gold ring. I mean honestly UIS is not a bad school, they have some great programs, their problem is the administration, and they way they treat the undergrad transfer students as opposed to golden haired little freshmen sophomore do no wrong students. But I’ll probably rant more on that later. So I guess what I am saying is take my UIS rants with a grain of salt, its mostly just me venting.

BW

Midterm Madness

2007-10-16T11:19:00.000-05:00

Ok, so im happy right now, my last midterm has been canceled. Thats right, an instructor canceled a midterm, she told us through our repsonces so far we have shown a grasp of the subject and a midterm would just be redundent. So yippie. Also I have found a new blog I have started to live reading, check out alternative life, now in the links section of the blog.

BW

Update on the Run

2007-10-15T10:04:00.000-05:00

Alrighty then, midterm one down, two tests left. both for the damned lit teacher, so I perfectly plan to fail, afterall you can only call her grossley incompotent or generally lazy so many times, plus the occasional use of the word bitch before she gets a bit pissed off at you. Oh well, as the old saying goes, if the shoe fits,

BW

BTW for the one who aksed. NO I AM NOT AN ACOHOLIC. IM A DRUNK get it right, alcoholics go to meetings, drunks go to the bar.

Beer, Midterms, Beer, and Vodka

2007-10-14T23:50:00.000-05:00

Well I have wrapped up studying for midterms so I am inspired to blog on a personal favorite past time, and American collegiate tradition, ALCOHOL. Now I didn’t used to like beer. Only within the last few years did I acquire a taste for beer. Now I should say when it comes to my beer, its rare to see a domestic in my hand, if it is it is either Bud Select, MGD, or Free (in which case I shut the fuck up and drink it). If I am drinking beer, I love a nice import, something German, such as Spaten, and Oktoberfest beers are the best thing ever. Now I do like several US microbrew beers as well such as Rogue and Flying Dog. We have a bar not too far from where I live that has over 250 different beers available, so far my friends and I have put a good dent in that list. At the end of this I ll list some brands that I like. Now outside of beer, I like spirits as well. I am particularly fond of Rum and Vodka, but the occasional glass of a good Irish Whisky or Bourbon really hits the spot. Again some preferred brand will be listed at the bottom. Now what in the hell does this have to do with midterms you might ask. Well in the midst of studying for midterms I got side tracked and took a quiz on alcohol, and found a really cool site Beeripedia. Well my first midterm is Monday, so here is a toast to good luck. Bottoms Up.

Beer
Spaten Premium
Spaten Optimator
Spaten Oktoberfest
Guiness
Blue Moon
Chimay
Flying Dog
Rouge Dead Guy Ale
Rouge Chipotle Ale
Rouge Shakespeare Stout
Rouge Mocha Porter
Coopers Brewery Australia
Heineken
Berghoff – All
Leinenkugel Red, Sunset Wheat, Summer Shandy

Vodka
Stolichnaya
Skyy
Absolute
Titos
Effen
VOX

Rum
Captain Morgan
Bacardi 151
Bacardi 8

Whisky
Jameson’s
Bushmills

Bourbon
Woodford Reserve

Anthony Callea - Live For Love

2007-10-10T10:49:00.001-05:00

anthony callea - rain

2007-10-10T10:47:00.001-05:00

Shayne Ward - If That's Ok With You

2007-10-10T10:45:00.001-05:00

Shayne Ward Music Video - No you hang up

2007-10-10T10:42:00.001-05:00

Music Around the World

2007-10-10T08:50:00.000-05:00

I have been listening to these two artist for a while now, Now I know my last post about looks so this might sound hypocrtical to some. But I dont really give a damn since its my blog and I can say almost anything I want.

First up is Shayne Ward

out of the UK, he won a show called the X factor in 2005 and since has had some rather good stuff, at least I think. And on a side note from everything I have read, Shayne, while straight is an avid supporter of Gay rights. From the pics and vids I have seen of him he seems a lot more genuine about who he is and what he does than a lot of the current american pop stars.

Second is Anthony Callea

Runner up of Australlian Idol. Anthony has an amazing voice, he can do pop, rock, and classical. Anthony cam out as gay earlier this year.

Its a shame neither of these two have much of a US following.

Clothes

2007-10-09T12:03:00.000-05:00

Ya know, unlike many gay men, I hate shopping for clothes, mainly because I usually end up wanting to bitch slap the sales associate. I know I am overweight, but that is no reason for someone to be rude when I am looking for clothes. I was in an Aeropostal a couple weeks ago looking for some clothes for my nephew, and the sales associate walked up and actually told me that she didn’t think they would carry anything in my size, didn’t ask if I was shopping for myself or a gift. And I have had the satually looking for mStyself. I work in a job that requires me to dress in a professional manner (IE Shirt and Tie) I was looking for ties at a Macy’s and the look I got from the pencil thin sales associate just screamed his disdain for overweight people in his department. Now I know I am overweight, I know part of it is my own fault, but I am also 6’2” at no time in my life, even as a child have I been the pencil thin skin and bones type. Now I admit I could lose some weight but I am never, not in a million years going to be a size 25, or a size 16 neck on a dress shirt, unfortunately most of what I can find in my size is t-shirts about big dogs and shit. People wonder why people have self-esteem issues, why people had low self-image, and why people do dangerous and drastic measures to lose weight. It is just stupid how judgmental society can be. And it extends outside of the dressing room. It extends into dating; People will take one look at you and keep walking. You could be the nicest guy on earth, but if your too short, weight to much, you get passed over, it don’t matter if the hot guy at the end of the bar is a complete dick who will treat you like shit, that’s what it seems like most people are looking for. But then again when you turn on TV and all the guys have nice tans, six packs abs, bulging pecks, and the fat guys are the one who are either the comedy relief or the fat evil slob. And it’s the same for girls also; all the women have nice tans and big jugs. It’s no wonder people have the ingrained ideas about people, they are spoon fed from grammar school that the beautiful succeed and those who aren’t get left behind.

somewhere between raising hell and amazing grace

2007-10-05T22:59:00.000-05:00

somewhere between raising hell and amazing grace

I heard this song on the radio this morning; it’s by Big & Rich. Now I don’t normally like country music, but this song, and that line kind of summed up my life right now pretty well. Especially with a situation going on at school right now, I am in a class with an instructor who is highly incompetent, and instead of sitting back and quietly failing; I am leading a small group in an organized revolt against the instructor. It seems like no matter how hard I try to stay out of shit like this I end up pulled into the middle of it, so for now here I sit somewhere between raising hell and amazing grace.

1 year ago

2007-10-04T12:13:00.000-05:00

Preface: This is another post that has taken me a little while to write, and has gone through more drafts than some papers I have turned in for a grade. Hope you all enjoy, hopefully soon I will be back to my old sarcastic form of social commentary.

It has been 1 year since I officially came out, not exactly to the day, but that’s because I honestly don’t remember the day, it was all such a blur at the time. I know it was one night in mid October, sitting on the front porch of my house, and it was cold that night. As we sat outside the question came, no more dodging the issue, two of the most difficult words I have ever said came next. Over the next two weeks I began to tell friends and family the same thing, it didn’t go as bad as I thought it would and for the most part was me with the response of, it’s about time you figured it out, and from my sister, And I thought you had a minors in psychology. One year later, I emotionally and physically feel better than I did before, I am for the most part happier, I still have some stressful issues, but those deal with walking out of a fulltime job, returning to school full time, and having to move back in with my parents (some bad memories are there). But now one year later I still wonder where I am personally, and find myself wondering if I will ever know. I still find myself looking around to see who is around if I go to the gay bar (which I have only been too three times), and I still get uncomfortable with the idea of dating. It’s not that I don’t want to meet someone, or go out with someone; I just don’t know where to look. And I know it’s not easy in this area, this isn’t exactly the best place for a gay social life, and is something that isn’t event really accepted out in the open, here it is more of an underground thing, we have one gay bar and it doesn’t even have a sign. And then there are the parents. My dad is still a wild card, I figure as long as he don’t have to deal with a potential boy friend then he will be fine, in other words my sister could bring her boyfriend’s home for dinner, from what he says about not flaunting it around the house means any potential boyfriend and I should probably eat out somewhere. Then there is mom, I hate to say I think she is delusional, or at least has her head in the sand. It’s like she can hear the words “I’m Gay” but she can’t comprehend the meaning of that, now I have a cousin on moms side of the family who is gay, but who lives alone. It’s like her idea of being gay is the life a permanent bachelor, she has even made comments about how when I get done with college and move out about how I would live alone, it’s like she doesn’t understand that when I find the right guy, hopefully I won’t be living alone. I done want to push my parents, but at the same time I feel suffocated by them when it comes to a social life, I have to justify why I’m not home or why I leave or why I stay out, even though she swore to me she wouldn’t do that to me. Then there is the fact I’m not out at work, it also hasn’t came up and when and if it does I will tell the truth there. Then there is the group I am an officer in, I like what I do, but I know if it were common knowledge that I’m gay I would be ran out the door by the old guard members. But I don’t really mind that because I don’t think I need to walk around carrying a big sign that proclaims I’m gay to everyone I encounter, mainly because I don’t think it matters and in the setting of this particular group in no way does it affect my ability of responsibility. I guess the best way I can sum this up (so I don’t start/continue rambling) is that despite being out for a year feel like I have accomplished something, but I’m not sure what, it’s like I’m standing on the other side of an open door looking into an infinite space not sure how to proceed. I guess I should just be patient with myself and those around me, but it just sucks sitting back and hoping things will work out in the end.

Stupid People

2007-10-01T10:21:00.001-05:00

Ok, here is the post that I had written and planned to post the other day when I had to go off on the events around where I live. Well now that I have had to some time to cool off after that and go back over this one (which was almost as equally irate, now it’s just bitchy) I have decided to go ahead and post it.

Ok, I know I have commented on stupid people before, but there is this guy who sits behind me in one of my classes who at least 5 people in the class want to just walk up to a deck the little bastard. He is one of those who has to offer his opinion on everything, and as I have said I can respect someone who disagrees with me as long as they can at least make an intelligent argument. But this kid is such a fucking idiot. He rants and raves on the evils of stuff made in china, but he has at least 3 pairs of Nikes, and last time I checked those are not made in the USA. But the one that really pissed me off is him and his little jackass friend got discussing the war one day, now I have my own faults with the war but I still support the troops. These two little assholes got on the subject of how people in the army are stupid and how they should all be treated as killers. They then got on the subject of free speech. And proceeded to go off on how there is no free speech in the United States because the government won’t let anyone speak against it. Now while I believe we have reached a point of over censorship, I think we still have free speech, I also wanted to take my laptop slam his face down and make him read the screen about the people shot in Myanmar for peacefully demonstrating against the government. Last time I checked none of the peace protests or protests against the president have ended with protestors being gunned down in the streets and police curfew being enforced. Its real easy to sit in a comfortable classroom, in your nice cloths, able to spout whatever bullshit you can come up with, but just once, I would like to send some of these people to places like Iran, Myanmar, North Korea, Cuba, and let them talk shit about the government and learn the true meaning of an oppressive government, the true meaning of free speech, but hey they obviously dislike this country so much and think our government is so evil and cruel, those places would be like a good vacation for them

BW

Polling Date

2007-10-01T08:18:00.000-05:00

Well month 1 of the presidential survey is over. And the results are in, and by no means is this scientific or accurate. So here are the final results of month 1

Democrats
Clinton 2 Votes = 25%
Obama 3 Votes = 37%
Edwards 3 Votes = 37%
Richardson 0 Votes = 0%

Republicans
Guiliani 2 Votes = 28%
Thompson 3 Votes = 42%
Romney 2 Votes = 28%
McCain 0 Votes = 0%

The polls will now be reset and month two of polling will begin. Next month will also me a cumulative average of month two and month 1.

A Modern Revolution

2007-09-30T00:30:00.000-05:00

I was riding around town with a friend last night, now keep in mind he has his BA in Political Studies, Im working on mine in the same field, we are both former republicans who are totally disgusted with the party, and if you ask us both to name our favorite President you will probably get an Answer of Theodore Roosevelt. Well last night while riding around town we got into a political discussion about the future of the Republican Party, and of the country as a whole. Based on polling numbers right now, with the top three Republican candidates for president not being high on the favorite list of the evangelicals, I made the prediction that another schism could be coming in the GOP. Historically this is nothing new. Theodore Roosevelt split with the Republican party in 1912 and ran on a progressive bull-moose ticket against his handpicked successor. Roosevelt ran again for the presidency because he was fed up with the ultra conservative shift the party had taken. I will spare a lot of the boring (to most) details of the conversation but we came to a point where we were talking about the ultra conservatives today who are pushing all of the moderates and progressive members of the party right out the door. And the question came up, if their where to be the rise of a new third party between the ultra liberal wing of the democrats, and the ultra conservative republicans, if it was put to you to lead the movements, could/would you do it. Now historically this has happened before, the old Whig party ceased to exist after splits in the democrats and wigs formed the Republican Party. Could this be the beginning of the end of the GOP, is this all just a repetitively vicious cycle. The other, far more horrific outcome we came up with was that things are going to continue to get worse; the government will become the Hobbs model of a leviathan that ensures obedience by just scarring the hell out of the people. Now ideally the model would be that of Locke where the people are the leviathan and the government should fear the people and be obedient to the people. The horrific part of that is in order for that kind of “revolution” to happen it would require the vast majority of the population to unite in one voice behind one person/entity to lead the population in this revolution, and in order for that to happen would take a massive and catastrophic catalyst that would pale 9/11 in comparison. So again the question posed, could you be that person, could you be the one to lead the country to a middle road, and not even the country could you do it on a state level, could you be the one to lead? And honestly neither one of us could say yes to that question.

Beyond words

2007-09-27T19:56:00.001-05:00

I had written a blog post earlier today based on something that happened earlier today in one of my classes. However, given some conversations I have had with friends lately, and something that was overheard at work today, I felt I had to post this. Now keep in mind I do not normally engage in small town gossip so I will not profess to know any of the following as fact, the point is the situation and the response of the person that led to the writing of this entry.

First the set up

Last week in one of the small towns around where I live four seniors on the local HS football team committed some type of hazing against two freshmen members of the team. While no official details have been released, it has been said that the act was of a sexual nature. Piecing together what I have been told by various sources familiar with the situation, what happened was that the two younger boys where held down and forced to perform some type of sexual act on one or more of the older students. This has rightfully so, caused an entire town to go into an uproar and talks of criminal charges have begun. Regardless of what happened in that locker room, it was wrong and those responsible deserve to be punished, because based on some of the accounts of what happened that I have heard what these boys did is beyond words.
Now that you have an idea of what went on, at least as much as I am going to tell you (I will not indulge more rumors than I already have here). Well today at work ( I work in a small town bank that is about 5-10 miles from the town in question) and a customer came in who is from that town and has children in the school there, I would guess she was in her mid 40’s to early 50’s. Well one of our employees asked her what she had heard and was discussing the whole situation and the customers response was this:

“Well if you ask me it’s all this homosexual (she said it as if it’s a disease)tolerance, you know all these queers on TV and in movies, doing their perverted acts, these kids are just getting the wrong idea about sex from those disgusting influences. And besides we all know its gay men who molest little boys”

Well this conversation continued after I removed myself from the area, no one at this job knows I am gay, and I will say that none of them in various discussions has made any remarks in any way close to what that woman said and the employee she said it too was highly offended when she left. But that is exactly the mentality of people that I hate. For the statistical record, the majority of child molesters are Heterosexual White Males, with Heterosexual White Females in second place. Moreover, clinically, pedophiles often choose victims regardless of their gender; the attraction to them is the prepubescent phase where sex organs are not yet fully developed. It just pisses me off there are people out there who honestly think this shit and go around spouting it in public like it’s the fucking gospel. I have heard this argument before; I had a friend that a local church wanted removed from the school because he would spread his homosexual infestation to the rest of the student body. Days like today, and small minded fucks like the bitch today make me wish I were away from these small town racist, homophobic, assholes.

The Race for 2016

2007-09-26T21:34:00.000-05:00

Hey Hey two post in one day, this is new for me. As a political studies major one thing I find absolutely fascinating is the bid process for the Olympic Games, it’s a political study unto itself. So now behind the two-year race for the right to host the 2016 Summer Olympic Games. With seven applicant cities from around the world, this is going to shake up to be an interesting bid process, especially given the recent charges of corruption in the bid process. Anyway, here are the seven cities with bids underway and a few speculations on each. At the end, I will give my short list predications, and a preliminary on how I think an IOC vote would shake down if held today.

The Cities
Baku Azerbaijan
One of two asian cities in the mix this year with a population of around 1.1 million, Bake has never bid for the olympic games.

Chicago USA
Chicago is no first timer in bidding for the Olympics with bids for the 1904, 1952, and 1956 summer games. Chicago was selected as the host city of the 1904 games before they got moved to St. Louis to go along with the worlds fair, a move that proved to eclipse the games by the worlds fair. Does Chicago have what it takes to carry the US to hosting the games after the NYC 2012 bid fell apart at the eleventh hour?

Doha Qatar
The only city from the Persian Gulf to bid, with a population under 400,000.

Madrid Spain

Madrid is another contender who has experiance in the bid process after unsuccessful bids in 1972, as well as other spannish bids for 2004, 2008, 1998, and 2010 spain has its share of losses, but can they pull it off this year. Spain last hosted the 1992 Barcelona Games.

Prague Czech Republic

Prague bid for the 1924, but the Czech Republic so far has never hosted an olympic games.

Rio de Janiero Brazil

Rio has bid for the 1936, 2004,and 2012 games (Rio failed to make the 2012 short list). So far no South American city has hosted the Olympics. However with the recent success of the Pan American Games this could be Rio's year to suprise us yet.

Tokyo Japan
Tokyo has hosted the games before in 1964, and Japan with Nagano 1998. The nations last bid was for the 2008 games wonby Beijing. Will the IOC go for another repeat right after london? either way Tokyo is a serious contender.

Short List Predictions

At this point, my early(Very early) short list prediction is as follows

Short list:

Chicago, USA

Madrid, Spain

Rio de Janiero, Brazil

Tokyo, Japan

Cut List:

Baku

Doha

Prague

IOC Vote Predictions

I look for Rio to bow out early, They are good, but I think the sentiment is there to put the games in South Africa Before South America, Cape Town 2020 has paid their dues and they should be next. I also look for Tokyo to go out in round 2, with an Asian city hosting in 8and a three time host in 2012 I don’t look for the IOC to go with another previous host city. I look for the final round to be between Chicago and Madrid, and this is hard to call, I think the 2012 host (London) hurts Madrid since they are both European cities and traditionally the games are not held back to back on the same continent. But it’s early and a lot can change in two years. So stay posted.

A Blog About Nothing

2007-09-26T09:15:00.000-05:00

Well so much for my attempts to post something everyday huh? Oh well, I do what I can, its not like I have a mass readership who misses me anyway. The main reason I do this isn’t to provide entertaining readings, or insightfulness to others, but to provide an outlet for myself, no matter what the topic may be, I just want to be able to throw a rant if I want, or to put into written form some type on introspection on myself and my motives at times. So whatever. And for those paying attention, if I seem a bit out of it or in a mood, I kind of am. I sat up all night thinking about stuff. Recently I have had several people tell me they like talking to me because I seem to have it all together and figured out, and that’s what got me thinking, do I really have things figured out. For almost 3 years I spent it being cold, a distanced from a lot of things, as a result I don’t really feel comfortable at times when it comes to relationships. Don’t get me wrong I have several friends that I like being around and hanging out with, but when it comes to looking for a boyfriend, I kinda suck at it, if I manage to meet someone I can usually fuck it up because I get nervous or don’t know what to say or how to act and the person gets away. Let me explain here also that I am able to relax around my friends, people I know and who know me and I feel I can let my guard down around. Honestly I don’t what to do sometimes, its like there are two sides to me, the one that can go out with his friends be relaxed and comfortable, and the one who still looks at what cars are in the parking lot and who’s inside of a bar or restaurant before I will go in. And for those who think I am exaggerating, during the campaigns that’s how it was, anytime it was a group of us from the campaign we would have to look at who was around and determine if we would stay if we did, how would we act, what would we say, what topics would be off limits, who might overhear something, that the thought process we had to use a lot and I half wonder am I still in that frame of mind. Add on top of that at the time trying to keep up enough defenses to not let anyone in on my hidden secrets. I know I have been out for almost a year, and I know I can’t expect changes overnight, but I thought I might be able to shed some more of these thing by now. At least by most accounts I’m not the complete cold heartless prick I was 18 months ago.

That just ain’t right

2007-09-22T23:55:00.000-05:00

Ok, let me start this with a little history of myself, I have now owned 5 cars

1993 Oldsmobile Cutlass Cieria Delux (Engine Blew up)
1994 Mazda 929 S (wrecked)
2000 Pontiac Sunfire SE (hated)
2003 Chevrolet Monte Carlo LS (engine problems $$$$$$ to fix)
2005 Pontiac Grand Prix limited (my princess)

Now for the that just aint right, out of those five cars, 4 are domestic brands, 1 foreign brand, and none manufactured in the United States, The Olds, and the Sunfire were built in Mexico, the Mazda in Japan, and the Monte and Prix in Canada. Now what really kills me, especially now, is that I can go buy a Hyundai or a Toyota and get a car that was built within the continental USA, but if I go to buy a GM or some fords, I get a car built either in Mexico or Canada. I mean really now, what the hell, We cant afford to build GM cars here because of labor costs, but Hyundai’s and Toyotas which are cheaper cars than GM’s are built here and selling like hot cakes. Oh well, just a little momentary rant, we can chalk this one up to the bottle of wine I drank before posting this.

BW

Chicago 2016

2007-09-19T22:29:00.000-05:00

The new logo for the Chicago 2016 US Olympic bid city. Say what you will, if Chicago can pull it off, the Olympic Games would provide a huge boost to the economies of every town from Chicago to St. Louis. So here is the the new logo:
(PS. I still like the old torch logo better, but still not bad)

BW

What do you want?

2007-09-19T08:35:00.000-05:00

That seems like a simple question doesn’t it. From childhood most of spend our time doing what other want us to do, clean your room, do your chores, do your homework, go to bed, we do what we are told at work, in some cases we do what our partners tell us to do. My point here is at what point is it ok to be selfish, at what point can you step back from everyone else telling you what to do, what they expect and say this is what I want, this is what I want to do, to be, to think.

In some cases, in my case, I spent so much time trying to be what everyone else expected of me that I kept burying more and more the parts of me that did not live up to those expectations. And where did it get me in the end, a breakdown, damn near pushing away the few people left that actually gave a damn?

So again, what do I want?
I want to be able to be who I am and not give a damn what other think or expect of me. I want to finish my degree and start doing what I enjoyed again, politics, except this time on my own terms, in my own way. I want to live in a world that doesn’t care or discriminate based on who I love or what I do in my personal time.

Unfortunately this is the real world, and on some level there will always be someone to tell you what to do, and ultimately if you like it or not you have to do it. But every now and then its ok to be selfish, tell someone no once in a while if you don’t want to do something that person wants you to do. Oh well this isn’t as deep as the last one of these posts I put on ( see who are you) but it says what I want it to. Part 3 will becoming when I get motivated to write it.

BW

Morality

2007-09-17T22:43:00.000-05:00

I am again going to channel my Political Philosophy class here, the last couple of day we have been discussing estrangement, power, and touched on morality. In response to the argument by Thomas Hobbs that the only way to keep people in line is a gigantic leviathan like government that would make everyone get along, in response I have asked the question who tells the leviathan what is right and wrong. My point in this is who dictates morality, who is to say what is morally right or wrong. Certain things can go without question, murder, torture and things like that but other things are vaguer. Morality is a big word and has implications further reaching and more deeply rooted than anything else in our culture root. Again who makes the rules, who makes the morals, who says homosexuality is immoral, what makes that person right, or what makes them wrong. Take the case in Utah, Polygamy, while I do not question it being immoral to force a 14 year old into an arranged marriage, who is it to say that multiple (of age to consent) wives is immoral. The problem as I see it is so many of our “moral” standards are based on a Christian viewpoint of what is morally acceptable, but does that infringe on the constitutionally guaranteed freedom of religion is it truly freedom of your religious belief when the laws you must live and abide by are based on a moral code that may not be the same as your own faiths code of moral conduct. For example, what gives a Christian the right to prevent me from taking another man as my husband, does the fact I have sex with a man effect their life, does my love for a man effect their life, so what makes their “moral” beliefs superior to my own or my won superior to theirs, can both exist? Is there a compromise somewhere? So here is the real kicker question, is morality the root of human estrangement, or is morality a power to be sought and wielded to keep others in line with your way of thinking? Moreover, as the introduction to my Political Philosophy book says, I will spend my time asking questions; it is up to you to find the answers.

Deep Thoughts

BW

Allllllllllllllllrighty then.

2007-09-16T22:42:00.000-05:00

Sorry I have not been keeping my word on trying to post everyday, but this weekend has been hectic at best. Friday I had an event I had to be at 30 minutes after I got off work, Saturday I went out with friends drank with them, went home and drank some more just for good measure, then today I had to move furniture around and get my office fixed back up. Kind of makes for a busy weekend
So there is really no point to this post really. I tried to think of some issue to bring up, or something to go off on a rant about but I am just not working with a full load this weekend. I will say I am kind of pissed about my TV of only 5 years going out on me, the damned thing. So I guess get to come up with the money to buy a new TV. Right now I am looking at either a 47 or 50 inch Vizio HD LCD. Well anway, no point in me rambling on about nothingness, but I promise, Monday I will have a post of some substance ready to rock and roll.

BW

An American Education

2007-09-13T23:05:00.000-05:00

I saw it when I was in High School, and I see it again now that my nephew is in High School. Teacher who only teach the politically correct, tell what we did right and leave out the rest. I have flipped through my old HS textbook on history and my nephews, nowhere in either book is the American internment of Japanese Americans during World War 2 mentioned, but there is plenty of time spent damning the Nazis for imprisoning the Jews. Don’t get me wrong, I am not trying to justify the actions of Nazi Germany, but how can we condemn others when we did some of the same things we damn them for. You also won’t find mention that during the slave trade, African tribal leader sold their own people into slavery, again the slave trade was wrong, but let be honest about, white Europeans where not the only ones with blood on their hands. Another thing that just burns my ass is teachers who ask open-ended opinion questions, then mark you down because your opinion doesn’t jive with theirs. What’s said is this is getting worse, I am seeing it more and more in my classes in college, its almost as if there is a war to eradicate independent thought, and to just accept whatever the instructor spoon feeds the class.

Ok educational rant over, now I’m going to share a thought from my Political Philosophy Class.

Why is that we live in one of the wealthiest nations in the world, yet have over half our citizens liven below the poverty line? Why is it that our country has one of the finest educational systems in world, yet we have one of the highest illiterate rates and lowest test scores in the world? Why is that we have the finest doctors, and medical advances, in the world, yet thousand die each year from diseases and medical conditions that we know how to treat and prevent? What is the answer to all of these, money, money is what divides us, money separates the rich and the poor, without money to get into the schools you don’t get the quality education, without money for the doctors you don’t get the treatment reserved for the rich.

Party Lines

2007-09-13T11:33:00.000-05:00

FaI have never really discussed or opened up about my so called from grace with the party, so I figure what the hell I am not obligated to them anymore, my debt has been paid so to speak so it’s time for me to return the favor. Besides why should I feel obligated to keep their secrets in the closet when they exploited mine? Basically, my background is that I was once one of the republican parties rising stars, I was young, connected, and willing to do whatever it took to get the job done. Our county parties new chairman brought me in even more, put me on the central committee as a club president, handed me an open ended order to rebuild the local Young Republicans, he promised me money, support, anything I wanted to or needed would be taken care of. Well in our last election for governor, he had me work for a campaign during the primary (as a side note, this was the primary to the general election that changed my life) that was none too popular, in part to funnel information, and in part to make some money for myself, as I was a paid consultant. Well in doing that most everyone else labeled me a traitor to the party, in my mind though I was just following the orders of my chairman, and in my naive mind I believed that in the end my loyalty would be rewarded. Unfortunately, I was left out on a limb and help never came, the support I was promised never came. Nevertheless, I took it all and kept giving more and more of myself into the campaigns, I have always wanted to be involved in politics and I thought I was getting there. Flash forward from the Primaries, during the general election I worked for three of the state wide campaigns Governor, SOS, and Treasurer, the amount of time was overwhelming and the mental, physical, and emotional toll it took on me was overwhelming. I came out in early November of 2006, I told the county chairman because I felt he deserved to hear it from me, why I thought I owed him that courtesy I don’t know. In December he decided to remove me as the head of the young Republicans, because I hadn’t achieved what he wanted us too, despite never being given a goal or told what he expected, we got chastised every time we raised a penny because that was money that should of went to the central committee, the chairman didn’t want a group of Young Republicans, he wanted his own private group of little bitches that would jump when he said jump and be little lackeys to the county party. At the time, I let it go, and moved on, I was told by a lot of people, that his decision had more to do with my personal life than anything else, and I still ignored it. Well during our local municipal elections, during the “primary” I went up against the county party, and told them in December how one of their candidates for alderman was going to lose, right down to the percentage point he was going to lose by in a three way race, my recommendation was to back a fourth candidate who would win the emerging younger republican voters in the ward. I was told I was wrong, had my job threatened if I dint drop the subject and get behind the parties endorsed candidate. As it turned out, when the election night total where in, my prediction came true, I was only off by 1 percentage point, the parties guy (also the incumbent) got 21% (I said he would get 20%) Democrat A got 39% and Democrat B got 40%. In addition to the race for alderman I also got sideways with the party for other reasons, a friend of mine, a democrat, was running for the Springfield School Board. Once the party found out about my friendship, we made an agreement, I wouldn’t help my friend, but I wouldn’t help them either. Well when the republican realized he was losing he wanted me to provide information that could be used against my friend, I said no. After election night, I got called into the chairman’s office and asked how I liked my job in his office (I worked for the county, in the chairman’s elected office). Then he accused me of working with the enemy, and that I should evaluate whom my friends were and were my loyalties were. So I’m done with it, I will never work for the local party again. I should say that there are certain people, certain candidates, I would gladly work for again, but the chairman isn’t one of them. For everything he thinks he gave me, it cost me so much of myself that I can honestly say now it wasn’t worth it. No one gets to tell me who my friends will be; no one gets to expect me to betray one for someone else’s gain (especially someone I can’t stand). I should make it clear, I believe, and know several good people still in the Republican Party; the problem is that the Republican Party isn’t the Republican Party anymore. We used to the radical idealists, now the religious nutcases have taken over and are pushing everyone who isn’t a bible thumping, praise Jesus, religious fanatic, thanks much to the failed Bush/Cheney/Rove regime. A friend and I always made joking comments about starting a third party in the vein the Teddy Roosevelt’s Progressives, I’m starting to think that time is coming, the extreme wings of each party are growing more and more, and there are a lot of people left out in the cold, in the middle. The time is coming for fight or flight, the time for the people in the middle to stand up and claim their voice is coming, the question is will we let that moment pass us by.

The Question

2007-09-12T08:14:00.000-05:00

Ok, let me start by saying a big F YOU to my cable company. It took them almost 20 hours to fix the cable service, Insight Communications = INCOMPOTENCY RUN AMUCK.
Now on to the slightly delayed post from yesterday
Ok, so I said yesterday that I started a new Job. Well on day number two, I got asked the following:
Coworker: So do you have a girlfriend?Me: no,Coworker: Well why not, you’re smart, funny, and cute?Me: I just don’tcoworker: Well I know someone who would just be perfect for you, ill have to introduce you two next time she’s in.
So here is my issue, first I have only worked at this place for two days, so first I was kind of uncomfortable by the grilling on my personal life. I mean I guess I shouldn’t be surprised, those are kind of standard getting to know you questions. And I admit I don’t believe they were trying to make me uncomfortable, the people I work with are really great. My problem is what to tell them. In a perfect world being gay doesn’t matter, and wouldn’t be an issue in the workplace. Unfortunately this isn’t a perfect world, and I have already seen it at one job were being gay was made an issue because it “made people uncomfortable”. I don’t want to lie to anyone, or give anyone the wrong ideas, but at the same time I just met these people, so I have no idea how they would react to a gay guy working with them. Maybe I am over thinking this, worrying about nothing. This is just the first time since I came out that I have had to deal with a situation in which people don’t know I am gay. Oh well, I would put some more on here, but I have to study for a biology and geography exam, so I m going to end this here, if anyone has thoughts or suggestions on this please, send them my way.

BW

09/12/07 PS, I didn’t get to study much since my internet was down and all my study notes where online. GOD DAMN INSIGHT.

A Change in Approach

2007-09-10T09:35:00.000-05:00

Ok,
I am starting my new job today, so I am going to have more time on my hand now, mostly for studying. But with more time im going to make a new dedication to this little project. I am going to do my best to make a post everyday on here. I have to admit the person who convinced me to do this was right (mark that one up I semi-admitted to being wrong) and it has helped to clear my head of some thoughts. I also must admit, i am a bit suprised to have had over 150 page loads since august 31 with visitiors from 13 countriesm 53 different cities across 4 around the world.

annoying things

2007-09-09T23:26:00.000-05:00

Ok, so i am trying to do a paper for my lit class that is due tuesday, its supposed to be 2-4 page journal entry on Of Mice and Men but the instructor has been so damned unhelpfull in the assignemnt. She has contradicted herself like 5 times already, and what she gave us to begin with wasnt much. I mean really if you want a research paper fucking tell me, ill write you damned research paper, you want a journal entry. Right now i want to full my hair out then kick myslef in the ass for taking this class. Oh well off to try and figure out what she wants and hope my definition and hers of the assignment match up.

P.S.
We have asked in class about some of our questions, she talked in enough circles to make a presidential canidate proud.

The Modern World

2007-09-09T00:34:00.000-05:00

I have been reading A Boys Life in Utah blog for a while and I encourage my readers to check it out, but a lot of what he’s been saying has got me thinking both about what he’s currently going through, what I’ve gone through, and what some other friends of mine have gone through in the process of coming out. It is said that we live in a modern society that we have advanced beyond primitive societies. In today’s society, racism is scorned with disapproval, burning someone at the stake is considered cruel and inhumane; the practices of the Nazi’s are considered detestable. But how far have we really come? It is ridiculous that in a so called modern and advanced society such an issue as who someone loves, sleeps with, is attracted to, can be such a big fucking deal to some people. It’s a shame when our society makes people so uncomfortable with themselves that they sacrifice everything they are to fit in, your too fat, your too thin, your gay, your too tall, your too stupid. People wonder why the youth of today are so fucked up at times, to me the answer is simple, the pressures being put on these poor kids by their own peer groups is getting to be overwhelming. You take a person who is coming to terms with being gay, and he has to worry about how will this person react, how will that person react, will I still have friends, will I still have a family, I know these questions I can’t blame anyone for asking them, I’ve asked them myself many times. Add on top of that religious nut cases who think homosexuals should be treated for mental disorders, or segregated from the population. It’s no wonder to me why so many teens, and even adults who are struggling to come to terms with being gay, both with themselves and their friends and families, turn to substance abuse as an escape from dealing with their lives. Even beyond that I’ve held a friend in my arms the night he tried to kill himself because he felt he had nothing left in this world after coming out to his friends and family, two churches petitioned the school to have him expelled, students threw staplers, erasers, and other objects at him, called him faggot and queer, all of this in front of teachers, teachers who are supposed to give a fuck about their students, and through it all no one said a thing. I’ve seen firsthand the power that bigots can have over someone, and I find it more amazing still that in a so called modern society this is allowable and considered to be a freedom of speech to call someone a faggot. I am a trained substance abuse prevention specialist, I work a lot with teens, and I see it get worse and worse each year. At the end of a lot cases I have dealt with, straight, gay, questioning, the root cause of most substance anuses cases has been the pressure from friend s or family to just be “normal”. For anyone currently going through these struggles I encourage you to find someone, no matter if it’s someone online, a close friend you unload on, find someone, Friendship is a powerful force and it can pull you through this. I know it’s hard, I know it aint easy, but hang in there, you can get through it, and it will be better later. If you people can’t handle you being gay, then to be perfectly honest, they were not friends to begin with.

BW

Campaign 2008 pre-show

2007-09-07T09:32:00.000-05:00

It always amazes me the number of people who complain about elected officials when compared to the number of people who actually vote. But anyway, a friend asked me the other day what I thought of the candidates running for POTUS my answer kind of surprised them but it also got me thinking. So I figured I would post some brief comments on each of the top 4 candidates (according to polling) from each party. I will not provide you with which candidate I support, at least not yet. But I will provide at the end what I look for in a candidate. Also added with this are 3 polls to the right, I intend to try and reset them monthly and keep track of what people surfing the blogs think of the candidates.

First up the Democrats

Hillary Clinton – Yahoo Candidate page – Former first lady of President Bill Clinton, Hillary is a skilled politician, she knows what she wants and she’s been after since her husband was in the oval office. Elected to the senate after carpet bagging to New York in 2000, Senator Clinton has been a long standing critic of the Bush administration, yet voted to authorize the Iraq War. Senator Clinton was easily reelected to the senate in 2006. As far as party support, Clinton is a polarizing figure among democrats who while loved by some is absolutely hated by others, and out of all of the candidates has the highest negative name connotation in polling despite being the current Democratic frontrunner. Senator Clinton is only rated at 60% on civil right issues by the ACLU, indicating a mixed voting record. Hillary also comes off as a candidate who, like her husband, will promise anything to anyone to get elected, will the strategy pay off for her life it did Bill.

John Edwards – Yahoo Candidate page – One term Senator from South Carolina, Senator Edwards was elected to the senate in 1998. Rather than run for re-election in 2004, a race many expected him to loose, Edwards launched a bid for the presidency. After losing the 2004 Presidential Primary to Senator John Kerry Of Massachusetts Edwards was signed on as the VP running mate to Senator Kerry. Edwards has a reputation as a smooth talker, full of charisma and an easy speaking style reminiscent of Bill Clinton. Edwards so far has played the news cycles rather well and is sitting in third place, a position he know all too well can propel a person into the nomination. Question is, can Edwards convince the voter’s he’s more than just a smooth talker with a pretty smile and southern drawl.

Barrack Obama – Yahoo Candidates Page – Following 7 years in the Illinois State legislature, Barrack Obama now serves as the junior senator from Illinois. I’m going to out of character here, and Say I have met Senator Obama, and he truly is a very talented speaker, very down to earth, and very intelligent. Senator Obama carries with him a message of hope and unity, a message that has carried him from the streets of Chicago to a candidate for the presidency. Senator Obama is well spoken, with a popular message. However, the political newcomer to this level has made several gaffes that have drew the criticism of his rivals, question for me is are those gaffes the mark of someone who lacks the experience to be President, or of someone who is going to speak his mind, and not go with something just because that’s how it’s been done in the past. If the answer to that is the latter, then Senator Obama might just be the thing needed to lead this country in a new direction. He had just best hope he can live up to the expectations the media has built up around him since his speech at the 2004 DNC, by some reports you would swear he could walk on water.

Bill Richardson – Yahoo Candidates Page – A former U.N. Ambassador, and Governor of New Mexico. Governor Richardson is the only Hispanic Governor in the US right now. I can’t go into much detail because I honestly didn’t expect Governor Richards to be at this point. Although it should be pointed out, of the 4 democratic frontrunners, you have a woman, an African American, and a Hispanic. Anyone of them could mean a first in the history of the Presidency. Keep your eye on Governor Richardson, if the democrats loose in 08, he could be a standard bearer for 2012.

And now for Republican starting line up

Rudy Giuliani – Yahoo Candidates Page – The former tough on crime, many will argue excessively, Republican Mayor of New York City. In addition to winning in a city that was heavily democratic, Mayor Giuliani also led the city through the 9/11 terrorist attacks, and despite request to delay the elections to allow him to serve longer, Mayor Giuliani stepped aside allowing the elections to proceed as normal. However, the Mayor has some positions that make the conservative base rather nervous, and many in the party accuse him of being a liberal in disguise. The former Mayor also has a sorted background with extramarital affairs, and shady business dealings. Will Giuliani hold onto his lead and be able to win the GOP primary, and ultimately the presidency?

Fred Thompson – Yahoo Candidates Page – Fred D. Thompson, a former prosecutor serving during the Watergate scandal, won a special election in 1994 to fill the Tennessee senate seat vacated in 1994 by Al Gore when he became Vice President. Serving in the senate until 2003, Thompson was considered to be a reliable conservative vote. After leaving the senate in 2003 Thompson returned to acting, most notable as DA Arthur Branch in the popular Law and Order Series, and as President U.S. Grant in the historical accounts Bury My Heart at Wounded Knee. Thompson’s late entry into the race has raised the ire of many, and following lower than expected fundraising and staff shakeups, many have criticized his wife for being too involved and his ability to win. Thompson is also a proponent of federalism, and states’ rights meaning that the certain issues are not the responsibility of the federal government, and there should be less involvement of the federal government. Skipping the New Hampshire debate, Thompson announced his candidacy on the Tonight Show, and as a result has dominated the news cycles following the debate. This is either going to be one of the most effective strategies ever, or prove to be a disaster in real time.

Mitt Romney – Yahoo Candidates Page – Another potential president first, a Mormon by faith Romney, the son of George Romney himself a onetime presidential candidate, one term governor of Massachusetts, and head of the Salt Lake Olympic Games has been building up his run for some time now. My problem with Romney is I see him becoming the GOP version of John Kerrey, already stung by shifts in position from his time as Governor to now have been pointed out. One example of this is a letter he sent to gay and lesbian groups promising to work with them, then taking anti gay positions as a presidential candidate. He can talk a good talk, unfortunately his credibility for what he says is lacking.

John McCain –Yahoo Candidates page – Senator from Arizona, and Vietnam POW, John McCain has been a commanding political figure for the last several years. 2000 presidential front-runner and heir apparent until President George Bush surged winning the nomination. McCain has long championed and broke party lines to fight for campaign finance reform, McCain-Feingold. As far as his new Presidential campaign, by most accounts, the ship is sinking, understaffed, underfunded, and searching for a message that clicks. The other issue working against Senator McCain is his age, if elected he would be older than Ronald Regan was when he took office, raising many health questions, and at the first sign of a cold will turn message into one of the Senators Health, a presidential campaign can be trying on the fittest of people, let alone some one McCain’s age. Can he pull it together before the primary, time will tell.

Caution and Warning

2007-09-06T09:27:00.000-05:00

I suppose I could be flattered but I'm not. at 9:03 AM this morning I got my first piece of hate mail posted on the blog. It amazes me, this isn't a big blog, its not the NY times, you have to be looking for this to find it. Do some people have nothing better to do that dig up some homos blogs and post shit on them? Whats the point? and for reference yes I did remove the post, and it was left by a mostly anonymous user. But anyway I am working on putting together a new political post, my personal look at the 2008 presidential candidates. I wont give me personal choice quite yet, I think it will be more fun if I have the readers guess who I like, and I will also be posting a poll for you to vote on who you like the most, poll will be reset monthly leading up the primary and the results posted as my own little unscientific version of zogby. And to those who either posted or e-mailed me comments on my last 2 posts, especially Who are You, thank you.

BW

A Call to Arms

2007-09-04T00:49:00.000-05:00

A Call to Arms
Even though I have been closely associated with the Republican Party, same sex unions has always been something I have been in favor of. Before I get much further, I want to thank troystopher for providing me with the links to the right and some of the information on IL HB-01826. As I think has been shown, at least to an extent, is that I am more of a moderate, and believe that in order to get things done a certain level of compromise is not only important but required for our government to function, give and take if you will. It is this same approach that I have taken when looking at gay marriage as well. Let me begin by giving a brief overview of how I see the debate over gay marriage, first up are the three options marriage, civil unions, or nothing at all. Second is the players, you have the gay rights activist at the far left, the Christian/moral/family values activist on the far right, and in the middle are the moderates who can come to some sort of middle ground consensus. Now I know that is a gross oversimplification of the issue at hand but for the purposes of this it will provide just enough background on how I am looking at this so that my ramblings might make a shred of sense so don’t judge me yet wait till your done reading this then tell me I’m full of shit after you’ve read the whole thing.
The first question of this debate is should homosexual unions be allowed, and if so, what should they be, marriages, civil unions, or something entirely new but still guaranteeing the same rights. The response of the activists on the pro-gay marriage side want the whole ball of wax in many cases and want fully recognized marriage for homosexual couples. Now the opposite side, the anti-gay marriage activist want the whole ball of wax also, they don’t want any type of legalized, legitimized unions for same sex couples. Now again I am using oversimplifications and generalities but this is leading into my take on the issue so hang on.
Now my thoughts on this are somewhere in the middle, both sides have valid arguments when you cut out the bullshit, the rhetoric, and the just plain stupidity of some of these peoples arguments on both sides. First I am going to take on the opposition groups arguments. The primary argument of the Christian/moral/family values people is that somehow gay marriage or civil unions would damage the institution of the family, and make it less meaningful. Those opposed to gay marriage also frequently state that gay marriage would destroy the sanctity of marriage. Well my response to that is that when little pop princess can get drunk, get married in Las Vegas drive thru wedding chapel and then get an annulment less than 72 hours later, the sanctity of marriage has already been destroyed. And as far as the institution of the family is concerned, when a large percentage of people in the world live in family units without being married, I don’t think allowed homosexuals would cause any further destabilization of the family unit. Now for the part of their argument I can at least understand. For many religions Marriage is an institution of the church and is something that is deeply rooted in some religions as an institution of the church under holy doctrine. Now I am going to come back to this notion in just a minute so hang on.
Now for my summary of arguments from those in favor of gay marriage. For the most part it’s a straight forward argument that same sex couples should be afforded the same rights as heterosexual couples, including marriage and partner benefits, including spousal privilege and the right to make medical decisions for your partner. Now as I said before, many of the people in this group are just as unwilling to compromise and that is exactly what I am trying to get at.
This country was founded on a principle of freedom from persecution for one beliefs, and the freedom of religion. In the end there is going to have to be a compromise made somewhere. Many religions believe acts of homosexuality to be a sin, and that is their right to believe. My biggest issue with so many people who argue for gay marriage is that they are so willing to call the beliefs of those opposed to gay marriage wrong. I do support same sex civil unions, I do support IL HB 01826, however I don’t think churches or religious organizations should be forced to recognize such unions if it is against their faith, we may not agree with their beliefs, but in the end their beliefs right or wrong are just as important as our own. If there is ever to be “peace” between these two groups, it is going to take both sides sitting down and coming to an agreement, neither side can have 100% of what they want, its doesn’t work that way. I want to see a day where same sex couples can be married or have civil unions, And I think we are slowly getting there. The more we can work state by state, changing minds one at a time the close we will get to our goal. I know some of what I said might be considered way off base, but I think if you look at the argument objectively, you will see there is only one way to win. I like HB 01826 and encourage anyone in the state of Illinois to contact your legislator and encourage them to support it also. I also encourage you to check out the links I added for more ways to get involved. Together we can make a difference if we are all willing to work together and be as understanding as we want everyone else to be towards us.

Who are you?

2007-09-03T00:24:00.000-05:00

Who are you?

09/03/07
This has ended up getting rather long, so fair warning, this one’s one my longest ever, over 1,073 words and was written over the course of two days, I thought about posting part one and two, but decided I would hold off and post the whole thing at one time, each part is marked as to when it was written. Hope you enjoy and I look forward to any feedback or thoughts on the first of a few looks into myself.

09/01/07
Sounds like a simple enough question, straightforward and simple, right. The answer can be as simple as a name, or can be much more in depth, who am I, what defines me as me? 12 months ago, I would have never hesitated with that question, I am the head of the Young Republicans, Central Committee member, and I am having the time of my life. Then about this time 12 months ago, I started slipping, and as I looked at myself in the mirror, the cracks in who I thought I was started showing. As time progressed the cracks got worse and worse, and to compensate I took on more and more, thinking keep running in overdrive and life will not be able to catch up. I started working more, full time job, part time job, campaigns, little sleep, lots of alcohol, painkillers, for two months I ran and for two months life chased after me. I should say I knew I was gay for a long time, even before I was in HS I can remember having those thoughts that just didn’t jive with what my classmates were thinking. But in my mind I thought the more I could deny it, the more I could run from it, then I wouldn’t have to face it or deal with it and everyone could just go on about their lives and live happily ever after. To this day I still don’t know what the catalyst was that finally shattered the mirror was it the stress, was it nonstop constant struggle to say the right things, to look the right way, to act the right way, always being the expected norm of a party person. Like I said I still don’t know what did it, and the odds are I might never fully understand it, I have pages upon pages of written notes asking why now and even looking back at those has provided me no insight into this. All I do know is that something changed in November 2006, and it wasn’t just the last 2 months, but the last 10 years of shit, catching up to me, 10 years of living up to expectations that were not my own, 10 years of hiding myself behind walls, defense mechanisms, never letting anyone get close enough to know who the real me was. But one cold November night in 2006 I gave myself the mother of all wake up calls, I don’t remember what happened or what my intentions where, but I know I took several pain killers and downed an entire bottle of Smirnoff Vodka. Waking up on the floor of my computer room with two rather pissed looking cats looking at me I decided I could not do it anymore, I had to stop trying to hold up an image that was slowly killing me day at a time. Perhaps it was the right person at the right time, but I was finally able to tell someone, I thought he was a friend, he was at the time, today I am not sure but that is a discussion for another time.

09/02/07

It took several weeks of us dancing around the issue, he could tell something was bothering me, I think he knew though I had not worked out in my head what to say or even how to begin. Finally one night he sat me down and told me there was nothing I could say to drive him away what was bothering me. And just as simple of that 10 years of lies came to an end, it took me a couple more weeks but my family and close friends all got the talk. So why is not now almost a year later I am still struggling with this question. Is this a question that could ever be truly answered? Part of it could be is because even though I was out, I was not really out. For the last 8 months I worked in a position that required me to maintain a certain persona if you will, to quote someone at the place, it is ok to be gay just do not be waving any flags, so in a way I was still hiding myself. I guess in retrospect, to answer the question of who are you, you must first be honest with yourself about who you are before you can tell others. Am I the same person I was 12 months ago, no I am not. I have been happier with my life for the most part, not everything is perfect yet, but with time to fix, the mistakes I have made it will be. I am also sure of a direction right now, but that is another question for another day. I am no longer involved heavily in part politics, and like to think of myself as more of a freelancer working for who I want when I want. So who am I? Well I am a 24-year-old political studies student; my two passions are youth drug and alcohol awareness and prevention, and politics. I am openly gay, I run a blog that until this little side trip is geared at an intellectually debate on current affairs in our world, our country, my state. So again, who are you? I guess my best answer for that at this point is I don’t know yet because I’m still working for it, I’m still on the road to becoming the person I want to be, living the life I want to live. However, I will leave that train of thought alone since the next question is what do you want followed by where are you going. So enough of this for now, back to the political topics and other assorted things starting next week, hopefully you have enjoyed out little introspective side trip inside the man, the mind, behind the outfrontier.

Who are you? What do you want? Where are you going? Who Do you Serve? And Who do you trust?

2007-08-31T15:05:00.000-05:00

Who are you? What do you want? Where are you going? Who Do you Serve? And Who do you trust?
So last night I’m sitting at home and I decide to bust out my DVD set of the 1 season TV show Crusade (the spin off show from Babylon 5, any who don’t know of them check out IMDB, and if you like sci-fi I highly recommend them) and as the opening sequence starts it has this voice over done by Peter Woodward asking those 5 questions as the title sequence runs. As I listened to the questions it hit me, in one form or another those are the questions I have been getting hit with the most recently, from friends, from family, and ultimately from myself. There is no way I can even come close to answering all of those questions at one time. Therefore, I’m going to go on a bit of an introspective look into myself as a change of pace from my current trend of current affairs post. As I said I don’t intend to try and answer all of these questions at once, so in between these posts looking into myself I will still be posting my regular rants on politics and the like. I hope that by the end, I will have a better understanding of myself and the readers of this blog might be able to take away something they might be struggling with in their own realities.

BW

Something worth fighting for

2007-08-29T21:51:00.000-05:00

Well since the post I made earlier today was supposed to be put up last night, I guess I can roll this gem out a little early. I will say this has not been an easy one to write out, so if I get incoherent or hard to follow at points just hang in there my mind will come back to what I am thinking about.
I’ve been thinking a lot lately about friends I have had over the years, the one who have turned out to be true friends, the ones who I thought were true friends, the ones who stabbed me in the back, and the ones I will never see again, nor get to say the things too I should have done long ago.
First I should cover those friends who are gone. I am only 24 years old but have already attended the funerals of three of my friends, at times we could have killed each other, other times heaven help anyone who would oppose us. Unfortunately it took the funeral of one of those friends to make the rest of us realize just how valuable life was, and make us end the longstanding petty feuds between us. As it has turned out, those people, those friends have been the ones I have had the longest and continue to be the ones I am closest too.
Now I have made other “friends” over the last several years, but as with the game of politics most of them where not friends, but opportunist waiting till the best time to plant the knife in my back.
Now for the one that really kind of hurts the most. I met this guy when we started working together, we got rather close as friends. I helped him through some rough times and he was there for me when I hit the bottom of a bottle. In February he left for the national guard, at the time he left I would have said we were very close friends. Now that he is back I have maybe spoken 5 words to him in nearly 2 months he’s been back. However I know the problem with him is the fucking bitch he married. Which lead me to another issue, why is some people when they enter into a relationship with someone they demand that the other person give up their friends just because they don’t like them. I have seen it happen a lot with several of my friends, but I’m sorry it’s not true love if you have to give up yourself or your friends for the person.
So I guess my point is friends are too valuable to let go without a fight, to important to let the small things get between you. Arguments are normal they happen all the time, it’s the false friends who will get into an argument with you and hold a grudge, a true friend will come back, whether its that day or the next day or the day after that and you will go right on being friends, it’s the true friends who are there when your in need, it’s the true friends who will sit up with you all night crying, it’s the true friends who in the end dont care what you tell them because no matter what you can say they will still be their for you no matter what. And as I said those are the friends worth fighting for, those are the people in your life that will matter the most, even beyond a partner because they will be the ones their when you and your partner are having trouble.

The God Question

2007-08-29T07:22:00.001-05:00

Ok, so I lied, I didn’t get this posted last night, for some odd reason I felt it more rewarding to fall asleep on the couch while watching a movie. But anyway, as you’ve noticed my last several posts have been about politics, so I thought I would shake it up a bit and hit religion for a moment. What spawned this debate in my head started a couple of days ago with a friend of mine. He is 22, Christian (but not the crazy type), and openly gay. Well with the first week of classes brought the first week of clubs and all that fun stuff. Well my friend decided he wanted to be part of the Christian Student Fellowship, no problem right. WRONG. Before the meeting even began someone stood up and said we don’t welcome fags in our meetings, you’re an abomination against God. Now let me add in some additional information before I continue about the CSF, the girl that is the head of it this year has a 3 year old child outside of marriage, the vice president is on his 2nd DUI, and some of the members I have met are some of the best partiers I know. I’m getting into this because the hypocrisy of religion is truly starting to scare the hell out of me. We have already seen religious fundamentalism and extremist in action, how much longer before that kind of thinking becomes the norm. What I mean is there are moderate Christians (and I am including Catholics in that as well), that while they personally do not condone the act or approve of the lifestyle, follow the words of the bible itself in as much as they hate the sin love the sinner. Not every person of faith is ready to ostracize every gay they come across and most actually don’t care if the person sitting next to them is gay as long as they don’t try to hit on them. My problem is that through mass media and hysteria to an extent extremist and radicals are gaining more ground than the more level headed, when people like Jerry Falwell, Joel Osteen, and others who preach about the dangers of the homosexuals, and people like Fred Phelps who actively say homosexuals deserve to die. These voices are getting louder and louder and like I said it scares the hell out of me. Now I break yet another promise because after the movie I watched last night it seems a little relevant. You ad in some of the policies of the bush administration, especially when he says he is doing God’s work (god we have came a long way from Moses to GW doing Gods work) and the lines of extremism Vs. mainstream continues to grow. The movie I watched last night was V for Vendetta (great movie by the way) but in it a religious fanatic seizes power in great Britain, saying anything against the government or leaderships is called unpatriotic (sound familiar yet), anyone who is deemed disloyal to the government in arrested (getting warmer), and anyone who does not live according to the moral code (which also outlaws homosexuality) is arrested. Now I know things are not that bad, but my point here is that things are not that bad yet. Unless the religious extremist can be stopped or at least slowed down, how long is it until we get to that point, people are scared of a lot of things in this country right now, and the extremist can offer explanations and solutions, but to do it they need a scapegoat, and unfortunately I think that scapegoat is us.

AWOL

2007-08-28T17:08:00.000-05:00

For my like 2 readers sorry for the absence the last few days. First I got swamped with an unexpected homework assignment, my cell phone has shot craps, and I had some issues come up at work (I swear I work for a Soap Opera, I just need to find those damned cameras). But nonetheless I am back and should have a new post ready to roll by tonight. So stay tuned sports fans, more to come.

Illinois - the model of FUBAR

2007-08-24T07:10:00.000-05:00

This is going to be a little more localized that my previous posts and concern the state I live in. First the set up.

Our Governor, G-Rod, Rod, Blow-a-Dick, whatever you may want to call him I’m sure it won’t be original to a native of Illinois. HE was re-elected in 2006, god only knows how, he had popularity numbers that made Bush look like a rock star, corruption investigations out the ass, and ultimately got less than 50% of the vote. Well the governor’s relationship with our state legislature has never been a pleasant one since G-Rod was elected in 2002, now things have reached a point on utter chaos. For 2007 G-Rod introduced a massive plan to provide health care to all people in Illinois who needed it, good sound bites such as “Do you know 1.4 million people in Illinois don’t have health care”. Well while this looks good on paper, just like anything, it costs money, and to spend that money there has to be money there to spend. Why is spending money an issue in Illinois? Well to balance his budgets ever year he has been in office G-Rod has raided the pension fund creating an unfunded pension liability in the billions of dollars, our bond rating has been lower, we have raided ever fund imaginable including retirement systems, education, and little old ladies purses who are not paying attention. Additionly the State of Illinois is already almost 12 months behind in medical payments as it is, to which G-Rod responds to stop paying the old payments so we can pay the current ones, at this point several medical providers have stopped seeing patients who have state insurance because they are not getting paid, most notable Barnes Jewish in Missouri no longer takes Illinois insurance patients, and if they do they are put at the bottom of every waiting list. So how does our industrious perfectly hair governor plan to pay for his new health insurance plan you might ask? Well he won t expand gaming by allowing a casino in Chicago, he wont raise the income tax to cover it, he has already raised every fee related to doing business in, around, or in association with the state of Illinois, so he proposes the GRT (Gross Receipt Tax). No w like anything, the GRT went before the State General Assembly (Legislature) and was voted down almost unanimously by members of both parties, when asked by his own party members where he would be willing to compromise all he would say is “do you know there are 1.4 million people without healthcare in Illinois”. Well after loosing that fight, he proceeded to threaten to veto any budget bill that did not include his healthcare plan, and would only pass it if it was paid for with his GRT plan, a plan that failed to gain support in the legislature.
Now you have the lenthy background of this, a budget was supposed to be passed by June 1 in Illinois, it is now august 24, and after the longest legislative session in Illinois history costing Illinois taxpayers over $1,000,000 the governor signed the budget but not before vetoing $500,000,000 in “pork spending”, what he vetoed by the way was only from the house democrats, the treasures office, the comptrollers office, and the Attorney Generals office. It should be noted that those 4 groups have something in common they are all from G-Rod’s on party, and all have opposed him in this budget fiasco.
But here is my real point let me point out some of the things he vetoed, while claiming to want to help people in Illinois get the care they need;
For Healthy Kids/Healthy Minds/ Expanded Vision……… 3,000,000Community college Student Success Grants….. 3,000,000Grants to the Rush Alzheimer’s Disease Center…… 500,000$6,620,000… to the Department of Human Services, for all costs associated with a 3% cost of doing business adjustment for community based addiction treatment providers.For grants for School Based Health Center expansions… 3,000,000 (This was strongly supported in both chambers.)for the Rural Medical Education (RMED) program at the University of Illinois-Rockford………….700,000For expenses associated with newborn hearing programs…. 150,000For Expenses associated with Pandemic Flu Preparedness…. 1,183,000ILLINOIS VETERANS’ HOME AT LASALLE… For the addition of 80 beds…. 2,225,600FOR MEDICAL ASSISTANCE UNDER THE ILLINOIS PUBLIC AID CODE, THE CHILDREN’S HEALTH INSURANCE PROGRAM ACT, AND THE COVERING ALL KIDS HEALTH INSURANCE ACT… For Hospital In-Patient, Disproportionate Share and Ambulatory Care….. 2,705,811,200 2,665,811,200 (That’s more than $100 mil cut for hospitals)For Grants to Oak Forest Hospital of Cook County………. 12,000,000 2,000,000For a grant to the Autism Program for an Autism Diagnosis Education Program For Young Children… 10,000,000 5,000,000For Intermediate Care Facilities for the Mentally Retarded and Alternative Community Programs including prior year costs…. 356,856,200 351,856,200 ($5 mil)For Expenses of AIDS/HIV Education, Drugs, Services, Counseling, Testing, Referral and Partner Notification (CTRPN), and Patient and Worker Notification ……… 18,001,200 17,501,200
That almost $140,000,000 in cuts to health and human services, just who the hell does this guy think he is trying to help in Illinois. All because the representatives of the people told him no.

All numbers from capitol fax blog, check it out for more.

Thinking Outside the Box

2007-08-22T21:44:00.001-05:00

Ok, so this going to be one of my philosophical posts, so be warned, there is no right or wrong here, so feel free to comment it will be interesting to see where this one goes. First to set this up, one of my classes is Introduction to Political Philosophy, in class discussion today the notion that societies have a natural bias towards thinking (and I mean true intellectual thinking) and that this creates a paradox. The paradox comes in that in order to society to advance it takes new ideas and new thoughts, but at the same time those who in a society bring new ideas or new thoughts into an argument are often shunned for not going along with status quo, example being the execution of Socrates for his revolutionary thoughts on government. So where in the hell am I going with this you ask, well where I am headed with this is that after class it really had me thinking about the current state of affairs not only in the country but in my home state as well.
First nationally, what does it say of a society when voicing ones opinion against the war or the presidency they are attacked as unpatriotic, or anti-American. Moreover, it goes beyond that, the American people are spoon fed news in small doses of what corporate media wants you to see and hear. Anytime a media source pops up offering differing views it is immediately attacked as not being credible or making things up. Second example is my home state, we have a governor so damned delusional that when anyone opposes one of his plans (which the majority of the state, and his own party do not agree with) all he can do is run to the nearest tv camera and a blame his detractors for putting the people of Illinois in harm’s way.
So your still asking, ok already, what the hell is the damned point? Well I’m not going to tell you. What I will say is my observations that by and large the American people have gotten lazy, thinking is hard, thinking is risky, so why do it? American people want to turn on the TV and be shown some entertainment that doesn’t require thinking, and what news they feel they need on an issue they want to have spoon fed to them in small bites that require absolutely no intellectual thought.

Kids Today

2007-08-20T21:14:00.000-05:00

Today was my first day in class as a full time student in nearly four years. Its amazing how much has changed in four years. Walking the halls today people where on their cell phones, texting, listening to I-Pods and the objective seemed to get from point A to point B with the least amount of interaction with another human being possible. When did we forget how to say hello as we passed someone in a hallway, when did we stop talking to people in person and communicate only over the digital divide? We wonder why we can’t work out our differences, it’s because we can’t communicate, at least not face to face. Today text messaging, cell phones, voice mail, e-mail, and the internet are our primary means of communication and it is definitely starting to affect the real world. I perfectly admit that I am guilty of it as well, I have the cell phone and I fire off text messages to my friends and send e-mails to family members, and run this blog, but I am still capable of holding an in the flesh conversation with a real live human being. Seeing the fresh out of high school kids today who could barley look up from their phones or i-pods to mutter a hello or excuse me truly make me wonder if there is any hope for our future. But then again I am sure the generations before us said the same damn thing about us.

A Simple Thank You

2007-08-19T15:16:00.000-05:00

SUPPORT THE MEN AND WOMEN OF THE UNITED STATES ARMED FORCES

Working at a customer service counter I get to see crazy people, people who are just plain assholes, but never before had a seen something so symbolic of the current state of the American People.
Standing in line holding a desktop PC in a box a woman waited patiently for me to finish what I was working on for a customer. This young woman was around the same age as me and was proudly wearing the uniform of a member if the Illinois National Guard. When I finished helping the customer I was with I looked up and before this young woman could step up to the counter another woman came barging through the front doors of the store with her 3 screaming kids who proceeded to draw on the counter, bother customers and trash a candy display all while talking on her cell phone. The second woman then proceeded to throw down a package and demanded we replace the product immediately and she wanted the new one tested so we wouldn’t sell her crap again (The item was $50 off brand MP3 player). All while this is going on at the counter, the woman in the uniform just smiles at me and steps back to again patiently wait for her turn to bring her computer to the counter, while she is standing there an older woman in her mid 50’s walks up to the soldier with her grandson, both the older woman and her grandchild where born in South American and immigrated here in the late 90’s. The older woman had her grandson offer to hold to computer for the soldier and thanked her for her service and for protecting the freedoms her and her family have come to cherish in their adoptive country. All while the busy American born woman could not be unconvinced enough to wait her turn in line.
What does is say about this county when a person who isn’t even an natural born citizen of this county can show more respect to the men and woman who dedicate their lived to defend it? I can understand not supporting a war, even I disagree with the handling of the war, but to disrespect the men and woman who serve, the men and women who defend the freedoms the people of this country take for granted every day, is bull shit. And that’s part of what I think the problem is in America, people want the right to freedom of speech but they don’t want to let people speak who offend them. People want freedom of religion but they want to push their religious views and perceived morals on those whose views differ than their own. While you may disagree with the war, the soldiers who fight that war are only following orders, doing what they are trained to do, fighting to the preservation of our freedoms. To use an old quote Freedom is not free, and its cost is blood.

SUPPORT THE MEN AND WOMEN OF THE UNITED STATES ARMED FORCES

2007-08-13T00:07:00.000-05:00

How to begin. I’m a 24 year old political studies student with aspirations for law school, and I came out about a year ago to my friends and family. Ok Ok, I know old news, just another recently out college student who want to share his experiences with the world right? WRONG. I’m not here to offer coming out stories, although from time to time it could come up, and I’m not here to provide news on the newest fashion trends. I am into politics and world affairs, I like to get involved, and now I have decided to share my own blend of sarcastic, witty, and downright rude and crude no holds barred commentary on the American political system and the general state of the world today. As the description says nothing held back and nothing off limits religion, sex, politics, it is all fair games here. So now you ask just what in the hell makes me think my opinions are worth a damned thing, well I’ve been there, I’ve been on the inside, I’ve worked the campaigns, drank the Kool-Aid, heard and spread the rhetoric, and been a faithful party member, all for what? Over the last 5 years of my involvement I’ve seen things get worse and worse, it’s not about the good of the American people anymore it’s about the good of those who can afford to buy what they thinks is good for them (and their pocket books). I’m not arrogant enough to think I’m always right (ok yes I am), and I enjoy a good back and forth intelligent debate on an issue. I WILL NOT TOLERATE COMBACKS WORTHY OF A FIRST GRADER. You want to argue one of my opinions I welcome it, make an intelligent argument and I might even concede I’m wrong (hey it’s been known to happen). Nevertheless, more than anything this is to provide me with an outlet, a place to rant, get things out of my head and into physical form. Soon I will be moving some old posts from another blog and expanding upon them, so let the fun begin and welcome the Out Frontier.