My internship application essay. Please Comment

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There are some lazy ass people out there. I do not encourage plagarism. PERIOD

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Lower Education

Well, I had a choice today, over the course of just random thoughts passing through my head (look out regular readers, random thoughts and my mind never end well) I came up with two potential blog topics. Well rather than combine the two (totally unrelated) topics I figured I would use the fairest method I know and pick one of them, I flipped a coin. Rest assured though, I have the other topic in reserve and will be bringing it out very soon. Now I need to preface this with a few things, this line of thinking originates sometime Tuesday afternoon, while I was suffering from an extreme lack of sleep and caffeine and according to some of my friends, I was a walking bitch fit most of the day. Now with that out of the way, here is my rant.

Ok, so well all went to high school, you know those special kids, no not the really smart ones, the other ones. Yup, you guessed it, I am talking about the special ed room. I have reached the conclusion that college needs special ed classes. I mean honestly , I am getting so sick of these people taking classes they are not qualified to be in, don’t have the capacity to comprehend, don’t have the whatever it is needed to succeed in that class. My problem is not that these students need extra time, or extra help, so please don’t think I am being a complete dick (albeit Tuesday I am sure I was being much bitchier about this). But it gets to be a distraction to the students in the class who are fully capable of keeping pace with a class when the instructor has to keep going backwards in a 300 or 400 level class and explaining the basic principles from 100 level courses so some people can keep up, everyone is losing. People who are keeping up start to get bored in the class and quite paying attention because the instructor is constantly backtracking, and the students who need the help end up struggling.

The other part of this is the advisors, if they have a student who they don’t think can hack it in a program, then they should have the stones to tell that student they should really look into something else. I will admit I am not cut out to be a doctor, I suck at science and not real great in math, so for me to go into pre-med would just be stupid. Same principle applies to every program, if you suck at history, or social sciences, don’t be a political studies major. I am not trying to say these people don’t deserve an education, but there should be a program designed for those who are obviously not on the same level as other students. Now I admit to an extent that such a program would provide a way out for slackers and others who think college is that 4 year non-stop party away from mommy and daddy, but in the long run it could free up instructors to teach classes to the intellectual level that will truly inspire debate and learning and not be forced to teach an upper level course to the lowest common denominator .

So this is the end of my rant on higher education. I know some of my readers agree with me, I expect some to burn me in effigy over this, but to be honest I DON’T CARE. I for one am sick of being asked in class if I could rephrase my arguments to be SIMPLER, I am sorry little Johnny can’t keep up, perhaps if by a 400 level political class and little Johnny don’t know who in the fuck Thomas Hobbs, John Locke, or Edmond Burke are then perhaps little Johnny should change his GOD DAMN MAJOR or apply for burger flipper at McDonalds, I’ll be his reference.

Some more on my campus

I got asked a qustion about what my campus looks like so here are the main building on campus

First up is the Public Affairs Center, or the PAC. home of my Atrium Hideout. The PAC also houses campus food service, the Sangamon Auditorium, 3 seperate theaters and is the underground hub of the entire campus (PAC, Brookens, and Math Sciences are all conected by an underground concourse). It is nice walking between buidling underground when it is freezing outside. As with most of its contemporaries on campus the PAC is based on a design of triangles. This is the building that houses most of the Public Affairs programs including my Political Studies Program.
This is a shot of the Norris Brookins Library. The building is split, half Library, Half classroom and offices. There is not a square room in the whole damned place, neither is their a straight hallway. The joke on campus is that the place was designed by the Psychology Department as a giant rat maze for undergrads. I think the plan failed becuase I know grad students who cant find their way around this damned building. At last check the campus facility services didnt even have a complete floor plan on the building. It also is designed on angles, not a single right angle in the enitre building. Thank God I dont have classes in this building, I might still be roaming the halls.

The Brookins Courtyard
The Health Sciences Building (Also the Math Sciences Building), yeah I know it is on the back edge of campus but im a political studies major, we dont really have a use for this building other than to know its a good place to hide if you dont want anyone to find you, supposedly it has a nice greenhouse, again wouldnt know.

BW

Peace

Here is a pic of what has become my favorite place on campus. It is the Atrium Lounge in the UIS Public Affairs Center (PAC). I like sitting here between classes or just to study. It’s no one element that makes this place so relaxing. It’s not quite but it’s not loud. You can’t see from the picture but the atrium is on the third floor and is open to the 2nd floor, you can hear the students pass the halls around you, you can hear the lectures from the various rooms surrounding you. At night after the sun sets and large skylight overhead is dark the only lights are the can lights shining down the stone wall and the lights under the railing, it’s not bright but it’s not dark. Temperature is always cool and slightly breezy. The art on the wall is called distant thunder which is a lot like the atrium itself, I always feel distant from everything around me, I am aware of it all but I’m removed from it somehow. It’s a very nice place to study, or just to observe those around you, like the cute guy who keeps looking at the girl a few couches down from me and smiling, or the guy who obviously didn’t do his reading and is trying to cram before class, then there is me silently blogging on this little microverse on campus sipping my tea and munching on my bagel. here is to all of those place we all find ourselves at peace.

And one more picture, from the university itself, kind of old (Back before UIS was University of Illinois Springfield, but when it was Sangamon State University), but still looks very much the same, just not as red as the picture implies (most of the carpet is blue now in the atrium itself so the atrium takes on a blueish tint now while the halls still glow red with the under rail lighting reflecting off the old red carpet,

Class disruption

Ok,

So most of you know I am a political studies major, now generally speaking we are not that good looking of a group. But in my politics class today the ultimate distraction sat down in front of me. He is tall, tan, brown hair, green eyes, a nice build and what an ass. I am definatly going to have to work on concentrating in this class, and I dont mean on his ass.

BW

And So It Begins, all over again

So I start classes on Tuesday. I must say I have a relatively easy semester planned. I am taking 14 credit hours, but I only have class two days a week, 10-11:15 12-1:15 and 6-9 on Tuesdays and Thursdays. So far it looks like the only issue I will have this semester will be $$$$, As you have read I quite my full time job about 5 months ago, I had been working part time (30 hours a week) at a local bank, but about a week ago that went to shit. They had agreed to let me leave a couple of minutes early one night a week to make it to class on time, well the little bitch I work with announced after my schedule had been approved went to HR and said she had a class that started at 5:30 and she would have to leave at 5 and not close, which completely screwed me and my class. ( I will interject here and say her class was offered in 6 different sections, mine is offered in 1 section per semester and I must take it before I can take any further classes) Well after “talks” to work it out broke down my employer told me I could drop the class, quite, or take the class and be fired for leaving work early. Well I took option 2. I had another job lined up, problem is it makes $2 less per hour and 10 less hours per week. So needless to say I am in a bit of a money bind at the moment. However, I am sure I will figure out a way to land on my feet. Now if I could just get the bitch at work (new job) to quite calling be a spoiled child of privilege, life would just be peachy. But enough about that. It is 2008, a new year, a chance to start over, whatever that may mean. I am only 24 years old; I suppose we all must take our knocks in life, I am at least young enough I can recover and come out of whatever may happen better off than I am now. As for classes I have decided to share with you all the true level of my insanity, here are my classes: (ECCE is Engaged Citizen Combined Experience (It’s a retarded))

POS 231 – Political Ideas and Ideologies – Course focuses on the role of ideas in politics and assumes that ideas shape politics and history. It explores the prominent ideas and ideologies of the western world of the past several centuries and attempts to better understand our modern world through these prisms. (3 Credit Hours)

POS 373 – ECCE: Introduction to International Relations – This course provides students with the basic concepts and theories of the study of international relations. Topics include: the international system, the balance of power, and economic interdependence. (3 Credit Hours)
POS 409 – Political Parties and Interest Groups – Examination of interest groups and political parties in American politics. (4 Credit Hours)

POS 451 – Empirical Political Analysis – Examines the empirical research process from conceptualization to data analysis and writing the research report. Particular emphasis will be given to research design and causal analysis. Empirical methods explored will include direct observation and survey research. (4 Credit Hours)

Well, I need to get some sleep. I helped prepare and served a Champaign breakfast this morning, I got home last night after midnight and went to sleep around 12:30 only to be up at 5 AM and cooking by 6 AM. Didn’t get back home till 2 PM. So I am tired, sore, and still smell like the fucking pancakes I was making today.

BW

Let it begin

Ok everyone here is my first full post of the new year.

I have to admit 2007 had it high points and its low points. But it is a new day, and a new year. In 1 week, I start classes again. I am taking 14 credit hours all in political classes. I am not going to get into a full-scale political post here, but this is the time of year when people like me start to get excited. It is no secret that I am a political junkie. Its January of a presidential election year, in less than a month President Bush will issue his last State of the Union Address, Iowa, New Hampshire, Nevada have begun the caucus/primary process, Super Tuesday is one month away, this is my playoffs, my Super Bowl. So get ready, issues posts, candidate posts, and other political based posts in the coming months. I promise I will hold back until after Super Tuesday (Feb 5th for all you junkies out there). So here is a toast to 2007, may the lessons learned guide us forevermore, my the hardships and he bad be written upon the sands, may the good times be written on the tablets of memory, to 2008 may it bring the happiness we seek, may it bring us time with friends and loved ones, may 2008 leave us better in the end than when it began.

Happy New Years Everyone

Let the games begin.

BW

Happy New Years

Happy New Years Everyone

Well Happy New Years, I will have a full post coming soon. I have just been swamped the last week or so. But I am happy I am up to 1,000 hits on here. More to come.

BW

A Year in Review, 2007 - Bringing Light into the Darkness

“I realized that I always defined myself in terms of what I wasn’t. Always what I wasn’t, never what I was. And when you do that you miss the moments. And the moments are all we’ve got. Even when I thought I was going to die, even after everything that’s happened, I realized I didn’t want to let go. I was willing to do it all over again, and this time I could appreciate the moments. I can’t go back, but I cant appreciate what I have right now. And I can define myself by what I am instead of what I am not, Alive, and everything else is negotiable.” Babylon 5.

So this is my end of year post. That time where I reflect over the last year and ask myself, what have I accomplished and what I did not. The quote at the top of the page comes from one of my favorite shows, Babylon 5, the lines where spoken by the doctor in the series, who was recovering from a drug addiction, and had almost been killed while helping someone else. After recovering, the doctor said he had found what he was looking for, and this was what he found. As I have eluded too before, it was a little over a year ago I was enjoying the mix of painkiller and vodka, to the point of taking a handful of pills one night with a bottle of Smirnoff. That was the event I credit with giving me the kick in the ass I needed to get my life back onto track and heading in the direction it’s currently headed.

Starting with the spring 2007 semester I returned to school, my first semester was just getting my feet wet, I took two night classes and continued to work both a full and a part time job. I ended the semester with a B average. After that I decided it was now or never. So I turned in notice to my full time job with the County (we will get to this subject more later) that I would be quitting at the start of the fall semester, I did take the summer off from classes. Well at the start of the fall semester, I left my full time job at the county, switched part time jobs from circuit city to a bank, and began 16 credit hours to finish my Associates Degree. Well I ended with a B average overall, a B average on my cumulative GPA and will be heading to University of Illinois – Springfield for the spring of 2008 to work on my BA and MA in political studies. I should be finished in 3 years and ready to see where the world will take me.

Despite everything going rather well with school, and for the most part the job situation going ok (again more on that later), my personal life still seems to be lacking in some way. I have had two random hook-ups over the last year, one was with the cousin of my friend’s former roommate at a party, USA Guy, and the other was the waiter from the restaurant I ate at in St. Louis. I mean several of my friends know about USA Guy, since they were at the party we started making out at. Nevertheless, my family is still kind of an issue, I won’t get into the whole thing over again, but needless to say dad and I don’t always get along, and mom has her head in the sand most of the time, and I honestly think that if she knew I had randomly hooked up not one but two guys she might try locking me up in my room and never letting me out again. It’s like my mom’s idea of being gay is living the life of the perpetual bachelor, she can’t seem to grasp the idea that being gay means falling in love with, living with, being intimate, with another man. The other problem with my social life is living in central Illinois; this isn’t exactly the homo capitol of the world here. We have one gay bar in a town of over 200,000 people, and the next closest one is over an hour away. And part of it is I still have a hard time in social situations, I have never really dated before, so now I am 24 and its like I am going through that awkward teenage stage where you’re not really sure how to even begin. I want to date people, I want to meet someone, but I don’t really know where to even start looking. I am hoping to have enough time in the spring to get involved with the UIS gay and lesbian student group, not so much to look for dates (for those of you who asked) but to try and build a group of friends I can relate with, not that my current friends are not fantastic, but I think I really need to try making some other gay friends before I can expect to move on into a relationship.

Now, for the work situation, for the last two years I worked for the County Circuit Clerks Office. There were many reasons for my leaving. One was tension between co-workers and myself. Some of it was my being gay, but mostly it was that I rocked to boat. I was given a position that the previous person had seriously fucked up, and the way the change went down was a little dirty I will admit, but it was what was needed. While the person who held the position was out on medical leave, the manager demoted her to my job and promoted me to her job, a position I held for almost 18 months. In that time I completely changed the way the position operated, took back responsibilities that she had lost. A lot of people felt the way I got the position was underhanded, and as a result I got constant opposition from people when I would make changes, I will say the managers never stopped me, they wanted me to make the changes. Hell, I swear most people threw a party the day I left, they just could wait for me to be out of there, even as I trained my replacement I could hear the whispers about me leaving. Well now 5 months later those same people have apologized to me, they have begged me to return, and In much the same way I got the position in the first place, another dirty deal has been made and sometime after the first of the year I will be returning to my old job at the county. I guess it’s true that your never really appreciated until your gone.

So what’s in store for 2008, I don’t know. I do know over the last year I have learned to stop defining myself as what I wasn’t, but to live my life defined by what/who I am. I am alive, and everything else is negotiable. I am who I am, It’s a constant struggle, walking a line between expectations of who you are and actually being who you are, it’s easy for people to talk about not compromising who they are, but in practice it’s not always that simple, that easy. For 2008 I intend on continuing with school, even with working more. I am also hoping in 2008 to open up more socially. For too long I let other expectations dictate to me what I would do, and I am starting to overcome it, but it is a slow process. Well, this will probably be my last post before the New Year, so to all my readers. Happy Holidays and Happy New Year.

Closing out 2007, good night and good luck
BW

Untitled

I don’t know really where to begin with this post, When I decided to write one tonight I had already picked out what I wanted to say, the topic, everything. Then life intervened. It’s no secret to the readers of this blog that I don’t always have the greatest relationship with my dad. Well, things keep getting worse, I don’t know why, and to be perfectly honest I am getting tired of trying to figure it out, wondering what I will say that will set him off next. I feel bad for mom, she is stuck in the middle, but at the same time she has her head stuck in the sand hoping that we will all just get along. I don’t know what to do, the screaming matches, the snide comments, how long can I put up with it. Right now I see two choices, I give up on school (again) take a full time job back and move out on my own again, or keep putting up with it, killing myself mentally, and finish my degree. I don’t know if I can take 18-24 months of his shit, Longer if I go for the MA. I just don’t know anymore, I am getting tired, I can’t keep dealing with this shit. I moved out because of this shit in the first damn place. I supposed I could try mom’s head in the sand approach, she “has words” with him, might get us by another week, maybe a month, maybe 2 if we are lucky then the snide comments start, then the yelling. I know my education is the way out, but does the road to it have to go straight through hell?