We the People, In order to form a more perfect union

As any person such as myself who is interested in politics, this time of year is fun for us with presidential politics in the air, this year I have been playing attention to all of the candidates and have especially how they handle questions of gay marriage/unions and gay rights and their various positions on those issues. Now I am not going to get into a detailed post about gay rights or gay marriage, I have done that already and there is no need to regurgitate old news. What I am going to take a swing at is the accusation that this whole gay marriage thing is nothing more than activist judges attempting to legislate from the bench. Now I, as a student of government, believe in the separation of branches of government and the autonomy of each to perform its necessary duties. But my question is what do you do when a branch of government fails to do its duty, or allows outside special interests to unduly influence their deliberations, what do you do then, is it then the responsibility of one of the other branches to step in where the others fail to perform? In my opinions legislatures and executives have failed to take one the issue of gay rights, and it doesn’t matter what party either, the only difference is on party tells us to our faces they won’t help us, the other promises us everything but sells us out behind closed doors. There are plenty of states in this county who have sufficient majorities in their legislatures and Governors offices to pass gay rights legislation and at the very least civil unions, so the question is why. It all comes down to winning elections, no matter what party, it just like it was in the late 1800’s and early 1900’s anyone who actively supported equal rights for blacks was all but committing political suicide. Just watch the democratic candidates closely while they will respond to questions about gay marriage watch their careful non-committal response. The truth is, as long as we continue to let the neo-conservative right and the evangelical right dictate national policy then nothing will change. I wonder how many of their followers would be so faithful if their sins where to be posted on the front page of the times or tribune. So back to the Judges, if a legislature fails to act, then damn right a judge, or anyone else with the ability and power to do the right thing have the stones to stand up and do the right thing. Perhaps if legislators both state and national would grow a pair of balls and quit selling them off to the highest bidder and pandering to every interest group who walks by, what kind of would we/could we live in. I’ve said it before a new civil war is brewing in this country, not between north and south, but a war of ideology, and unless more people start to call for true equality and understanding on both sides, we are headed for a very dark future indeed. Until then bravo to anyone in a position to make a change who has the stones to do it.

Alcohol and Tests

Ok, So I am starting to think I have found a new study program. I went out drinking the night before midterms, and I ace them. I go out drinking before my last geography test and I ace it also. So I am starting to think I am onto something. Now here is a preview for you of what is to come, I am working on a new post, a return to my political commentary, and this one you dont want to miss, so stay tuned sports fans.

Family

I know just about every parent has difficulty when their kid sits them down and says I’m gay. Now when I say difficulty that does not necessarily mean a bad thing, to some difficulty could mean trying to understand more about it, to others, it could mean a screaming temper tantrum and kicking the kid out of the house. I came out over a year ago and am still trying to deal with my parents. Neither one of them had what I would call a negative reaction but I’m still not sure they get it. Dad by far has been the most difficult one to deal with, he still makes comments about girls hoping I will find one attractive. He also doesn’t want me to “flaunt it” around him, so basically what that means to me is if/when I do meet a nice guy and want to bring him home for dinner I had best just not. I know I should be patient with him but at what point is it going too far to make him comfortable with my life. Then there is mom, I think she means well but has her head in the sand. Kind of like when I was in drivers education, she would never let me drive the damned car, it was raining, or it was overcast, or the sun was shining at a bad angle, It was a family friend who ended up doing a lot of driving with me because mom would do it. Now I should point out I have a gay cousin on moms side of the family, but he lives the life of the permabachelor. So that’s what from her background being gay is living the life a perpetual bachelor, to her it hasn’t dawned on her yet that I will meet someone and fall in love with a man, I had a date one night and she told me it wasn’t a date, I was just out with a friends. So I don’t know, I would think after 12 months something would be dawning on them, I don’t want to push the matter, but how much should I bend for them. How long until I break trying to meet their expectations of my life, honestly at times with them it’s like I never came out. Hell my religious sister has accepted it and even comments on cute guys around me. I tell mom I find a guy cute and I get this look.

The Big 5-0-0

Yup, I have had 500 page loads since August 30th 2007. I have to admit when I started this blog, I never expected that in a little over 2 months I would have 500 page loads, I never knew that many people would care about my rants or disturbed views of the world. So for my reader who has a thing for statistics here is some info for ya:
Visiting Nations: United States – 378, United Kingdom – 20, Canada – 14, Australia – 13, Netherlands – 6, Italy, Spain, Hong Kong – 3 each, China, Denmark, Ly, Portugal, South Africa – 2 each, France, Ireland, Sweden, Taiwan, India, Saudi Arabia, Brazil, Bolivia, Poland, Switzerland, United Arab Emirates – 1 each.
My top 2 referrers are Troystopher, A boys Life in Utah, and Alternative Life.
So there ya go just for my loyal, statistics loving, reader.

But seriously thanks to all the readers. There is more yet to come. Let’s see if I can hit 1,000 by Jan 1.

Midterm Update.

Alrighty then, So this is one of the I was wrong posts. My midterm in my Political Philisophy class, I thought I was on the C/B bubble. well I was wrong. I didnt get a C, and I didnt get a B. I got an A instead, so yup I was wrong.

BW

Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell.

Let me begin by saying that I am intentionally leaving out a lot of details from this and I ask that anyone who has heard any details not included herein to please not add them in, please trust my judgment on this one.

So I was at a party and ended up hooking up with a semi random guy. We will him USA Guy. Well while unlike most random hook ups we actually laid there and talked after we finished. One of the things we talked at length about was relationships and how neither one of us was really relationship material right now, mainly because at this point we are both career and goal driven, and anything more than friends just wouldn’t be fair, also add in the fact he is currently living many miles away from here. However, USA guys circumstances are a bit different than mine, my being gay won’t preclude me from my profession or finding a job I will enjoy when I finish my degrees. USA guy on the other hand, is gay and in the US Army, something he admits he loves doing even though under current rules he has to hide a very big and important part of himself. Every since we met and had that discussion it has had me thinking. Honestly I don’t get don’t ask don’t tell, I have never been a fan of Bill Clintons and this is one of the reasons. During his campaign, for the presidency he promised the GLBT community that he would allow homosexuals to serve in the military, many believe he implied openly serve. As I see it DADT was and still is a pathetic excuse and attempt to fulfill a campaign promise, something Clinton excelled at, promising the world and delivering very little of it and somehow people love him for it. Now I have several friends in the armed forces and they all share the belief that they don’t care who the guy next to them sleeps with as long as they can shoot straight (no pun intended) when the times comes, and do their job to the best of their ability and look out for their fellow soldiers. And the argument I like the best is that DADT protects gay and lesbian soldiers from harassment and physical harm from fellow soldiers by keeping their sexual orientation a secret, but you tell me is the trade between potential physical assault and the mental/emotional damage of having to constantly hide who and what you are just to be accepted. Gays and Lesbians are required to pay taxes, they are allowed to vote, they are allowed to hold public office, but a homosexual is not allowed to take up arms in defense of their country because some Washington bureaucrat thinks they can tells homo’s what is and is not good for them. It’s kind of like the joke from when I worked at the county, the eight scariest words of all time are I’m from the government, I’m here to help. But anyway, I’m glad I got to spend at least some time with an insanely attractive, extremely smart, kind, caring guy maybe someday in this fucked up world he will be able to have both, a career he loves and a partner he can love openly, but until then to all the homo’s in the Armed forces, keep going, a new day will come, as it inevitably does, we might not see it in our generation, but it will come.

Adventures in Dating

Lately I have been thinking a lot about relationships. No let me preface this by saying, I don’t feel I need a boyfriend or will die without one. My point is, I honestly just want someone to be friends with who can relate to me. Now I admit like a lot of closeted guys, I never dated during High School so I guess you could say I am really new to this whole dating thing as it is. And I’ll admit I found myself falling for one guy, he problem is he was the guy I could never have, and I still wonder if anything I did helped lend itself to our estrangement now. I won’t go into details on that relationship, so don’t even ask, a few people know but that’s all that needs to know. Well over the last few months I have tried seeking out people to get to know, be friends with, well what I have found so far isn’t much so I decided to share my experience so far, after this we will continue
1. TargetGuy – well he seemed nice at first, just wanted to be friends, go see movies, hang out. Sounds exactly like what I am looking for. Well I was liking him, we had been talking on line and getting along rather well. Well he works in retail and asked me (knowing I used to work in retail) what I thought about it, well I being the blunt honest type that I am told him what I thought, I hated it. Well he went off on a tirade calling me a self-righteous know it all who couldn’t be happy for someone having a job they liked. Good for him, he likes working retail I didn’t end of story.
2. Old Guy – yeah he was just a creepy 54 year old who wanted a “son” to have sex with. Yeah, I’m not looking for a boyfriend, I am certainly not looking for some old man to have some fantasy/fetish relationship with.
3. Stuck up guy – now this guy was older, 38 which I am ok with that, it’s better than 54. He seemed like a nice guy. Well he wanted to see a picture, so I showed him one. We kept talking and then he left with “well nice to talk to but I can’t fuck you, your fat”. First I told they guy I was not looking for sex, I was just wanting to be friends with someone and see what developed. So he is off
4. Straight Guy – yeah he’s the one I fell for but can never have. He was cute, funny, and honestly understood me better than just about anyone. Easy to see why I fell for him ain’t it.

So yeah, I have been out for a year and fell for a straight guy, and the only people I have found while searching for people to even just be friends with have turned out to be old perverts, psychotic, and just plain stupid. So really im not sure what to do, is it me doing something wrong, is it just that this place isn’t the best location on earth for finding other gay guys to hang out with, and is it that rare to find a young (20-38) gay guy who wants more than a quick suck and fuck. I know I am only 24, and I should just be patient. Moreover, like I said I am not into a big hurry to rush into anything right now, because honestly I don’t have time for a relationship right now. And I know once I get out of this town I might have better luck also. So this is the end of my rant on adventures in dating (sounds like a bad 80’s movie don’t it)

Good morning blog fans,

Yeah, so getting woke up at 2 AM because mother nature wants to be a bitch just sucks ass. I don’t mind storms and severe weather, but could we get it timed a bit better. Well its official midterm weak is over, and out of four classes I have a C/B in Political Philosophy (not sure which one but it’s on the edge), B in Geography, Mid-level C in Biology (which for me is fandamntacstic), and (drum roll please) a midlevel B in Literature (that’s right the class with the bitch, I be making a B). Now all I have to do on my educational journey is to get UIS (University of Illinois Springfield) to remove their head from their ass (I know I am asking a lot now), I mean really is it too much to ask that the right hand know what the left is doing? I applied 6 weeks ago, well they tell me I didn’t submit a copy of my completed transcript from jr College (yes I did), well it turns out there is a glitch in their system that says because it still has an in process semester the system is saying I have not submitted a completed transcript and therefore won’t re-admit me (kinda nice they leave that all to a computer system ain’t it, tuition money at work?). Well they tell me there is this glitch and that they will transfer me to the person who needs to fix the problem, that person says there is no problem, yet my readmission is still blocked for some mystery reason. Be prepared, a great many things involving the University of Illinois Springfield just annoy they hell out of me, and I will probably blog about it on here so that I don’t actually tell the UIS administration that they can go blow it out their ass. So now you ask if it’s that bad why not go to another school. Well the reason is it is still a University of Illinois Degree, and I can still get the University of Illinois blue and gold ring. I mean honestly UIS is not a bad school, they have some great programs, their problem is the administration, and they way they treat the undergrad transfer students as opposed to golden haired little freshmen sophomore do no wrong students. But I’ll probably rant more on that later. So I guess what I am saying is take my UIS rants with a grain of salt, its mostly just me venting.

BW

Midterm Madness

Ok, so im happy right now, my last midterm has been canceled. Thats right, an instructor canceled a midterm, she told us through our repsonces so far we have shown a grasp of the subject and a midterm would just be redundent. So yippie. Also I have found a new blog I have started to live reading, check out alternative life, now in the links section of the blog.


BW

Update on the Run

Alrighty then, midterm one down, two tests left. both for the damned lit teacher, so I perfectly plan to fail, afterall you can only call her grossley incompotent or generally lazy so many times, plus the occasional use of the word bitch before she gets a bit pissed off at you. Oh well, as the old saying goes, if the shoe fits,

BW

BTW for the one who aksed. NO I AM NOT AN ACOHOLIC. IM A DRUNK get it right, alcoholics go to meetings, drunks go to the bar.

Beer, Midterms, Beer, and Vodka

Well I have wrapped up studying for midterms so I am inspired to blog on a personal favorite past time, and American collegiate tradition, ALCOHOL. Now I didn’t used to like beer. Only within the last few years did I acquire a taste for beer. Now I should say when it comes to my beer, its rare to see a domestic in my hand, if it is it is either Bud Select, MGD, or Free (in which case I shut the fuck up and drink it). If I am drinking beer, I love a nice import, something German, such as Spaten, and Oktoberfest beers are the best thing ever. Now I do like several US microbrew beers as well such as Rogue and Flying Dog. We have a bar not too far from where I live that has over 250 different beers available, so far my friends and I have put a good dent in that list. At the end of this I ll list some brands that I like. Now outside of beer, I like spirits as well. I am particularly fond of Rum and Vodka, but the occasional glass of a good Irish Whisky or Bourbon really hits the spot. Again some preferred brand will be listed at the bottom. Now what in the hell does this have to do with midterms you might ask. Well in the midst of studying for midterms I got side tracked and took a quiz on alcohol, and found a really cool site Beeripedia. Well my first midterm is Monday, so here is a toast to good luck. Bottoms Up.

Beer
Spaten Premium
Spaten Optimator
Spaten Oktoberfest
Guiness
Blue Moon
Chimay
Flying Dog
Rouge Dead Guy Ale
Rouge Chipotle Ale
Rouge Shakespeare Stout
Rouge Mocha Porter
Coopers Brewery Australia
Heineken
Berghoff – All
Leinenkugel Red, Sunset Wheat, Summer Shandy

Vodka
Stolichnaya
Skyy
Absolute
Titos
Effen
VOX

Rum
Captain Morgan
Bacardi 151
Bacardi 8

Whisky
Jameson’s
Bushmills

Bourbon
Woodford Reserve

Anthony Callea - Live For Love

anthony callea - rain

Shayne Ward - If That's Ok With You

Shayne Ward Music Video - No you hang up

Music Around the World

I have been listening to these two artist for a while now, Now I know my last post about looks so this might sound hypocrtical to some. But I dont really give a damn since its my blog and I can say almost anything I want.

First up is Shayne Ward

out of the UK, he won a show called the X factor in 2005 and since has had some rather good stuff, at least I think. And on a side note from everything I have read, Shayne, while straight is an avid supporter of Gay rights. From the pics and vids I have seen of him he seems a lot more genuine about who he is and what he does than a lot of the current american pop stars.

Second is Anthony Callea

Runner up of Australlian Idol. Anthony has an amazing voice, he can do pop, rock, and classical. Anthony cam out as gay earlier this year.

Its a shame neither of these two have much of a US following.

Clothes

Ya know, unlike many gay men, I hate shopping for clothes, mainly because I usually end up wanting to bitch slap the sales associate. I know I am overweight, but that is no reason for someone to be rude when I am looking for clothes. I was in an Aeropostal a couple weeks ago looking for some clothes for my nephew, and the sales associate walked up and actually told me that she didn’t think they would carry anything in my size, didn’t ask if I was shopping for myself or a gift. And I have had the satually looking for mStyself. I work in a job that requires me to dress in a professional manner (IE Shirt and Tie) I was looking for ties at a Macy’s and the look I got from the pencil thin sales associate just screamed his disdain for overweight people in his department. Now I know I am overweight, I know part of it is my own fault, but I am also 6’2” at no time in my life, even as a child have I been the pencil thin skin and bones type. Now I admit I could lose some weight but I am never, not in a million years going to be a size 25, or a size 16 neck on a dress shirt, unfortunately most of what I can find in my size is t-shirts about big dogs and shit. People wonder why people have self-esteem issues, why people had low self-image, and why people do dangerous and drastic measures to lose weight. It is just stupid how judgmental society can be. And it extends outside of the dressing room. It extends into dating; People will take one look at you and keep walking. You could be the nicest guy on earth, but if your too short, weight to much, you get passed over, it don’t matter if the hot guy at the end of the bar is a complete dick who will treat you like shit, that’s what it seems like most people are looking for. But then again when you turn on TV and all the guys have nice tans, six packs abs, bulging pecks, and the fat guys are the one who are either the comedy relief or the fat evil slob. And it’s the same for girls also; all the women have nice tans and big jugs. It’s no wonder people have the ingrained ideas about people, they are spoon fed from grammar school that the beautiful succeed and those who aren’t get left behind.

somewhere between raising hell and amazing grace

somewhere between raising hell and amazing grace

I heard this song on the radio this morning; it’s by Big & Rich. Now I don’t normally like country music, but this song, and that line kind of summed up my life right now pretty well. Especially with a situation going on at school right now, I am in a class with an instructor who is highly incompetent, and instead of sitting back and quietly failing; I am leading a small group in an organized revolt against the instructor. It seems like no matter how hard I try to stay out of shit like this I end up pulled into the middle of it, so for now here I sit somewhere between raising hell and amazing grace.

1 year ago

Preface: This is another post that has taken me a little while to write, and has gone through more drafts than some papers I have turned in for a grade. Hope you all enjoy, hopefully soon I will be back to my old sarcastic form of social commentary.

It has been 1 year since I officially came out, not exactly to the day, but that’s because I honestly don’t remember the day, it was all such a blur at the time. I know it was one night in mid October, sitting on the front porch of my house, and it was cold that night. As we sat outside the question came, no more dodging the issue, two of the most difficult words I have ever said came next. Over the next two weeks I began to tell friends and family the same thing, it didn’t go as bad as I thought it would and for the most part was me with the response of, it’s about time you figured it out, and from my sister, And I thought you had a minors in psychology. One year later, I emotionally and physically feel better than I did before, I am for the most part happier, I still have some stressful issues, but those deal with walking out of a fulltime job, returning to school full time, and having to move back in with my parents (some bad memories are there). But now one year later I still wonder where I am personally, and find myself wondering if I will ever know. I still find myself looking around to see who is around if I go to the gay bar (which I have only been too three times), and I still get uncomfortable with the idea of dating. It’s not that I don’t want to meet someone, or go out with someone; I just don’t know where to look. And I know it’s not easy in this area, this isn’t exactly the best place for a gay social life, and is something that isn’t event really accepted out in the open, here it is more of an underground thing, we have one gay bar and it doesn’t even have a sign. And then there are the parents. My dad is still a wild card, I figure as long as he don’t have to deal with a potential boy friend then he will be fine, in other words my sister could bring her boyfriend’s home for dinner, from what he says about not flaunting it around the house means any potential boyfriend and I should probably eat out somewhere. Then there is mom, I hate to say I think she is delusional, or at least has her head in the sand. It’s like she can hear the words “I’m Gay” but she can’t comprehend the meaning of that, now I have a cousin on moms side of the family who is gay, but who lives alone. It’s like her idea of being gay is the life a permanent bachelor, she has even made comments about how when I get done with college and move out about how I would live alone, it’s like she doesn’t understand that when I find the right guy, hopefully I won’t be living alone. I done want to push my parents, but at the same time I feel suffocated by them when it comes to a social life, I have to justify why I’m not home or why I leave or why I stay out, even though she swore to me she wouldn’t do that to me. Then there is the fact I’m not out at work, it also hasn’t came up and when and if it does I will tell the truth there. Then there is the group I am an officer in, I like what I do, but I know if it were common knowledge that I’m gay I would be ran out the door by the old guard members. But I don’t really mind that because I don’t think I need to walk around carrying a big sign that proclaims I’m gay to everyone I encounter, mainly because I don’t think it matters and in the setting of this particular group in no way does it affect my ability of responsibility. I guess the best way I can sum this up (so I don’t start/continue rambling) is that despite being out for a year feel like I have accomplished something, but I’m not sure what, it’s like I’m standing on the other side of an open door looking into an infinite space not sure how to proceed. I guess I should just be patient with myself and those around me, but it just sucks sitting back and hoping things will work out in the end.

Stupid People

Ok, here is the post that I had written and planned to post the other day when I had to go off on the events around where I live. Well now that I have had to some time to cool off after that and go back over this one (which was almost as equally irate, now it’s just bitchy) I have decided to go ahead and post it.

Ok, I know I have commented on stupid people before, but there is this guy who sits behind me in one of my classes who at least 5 people in the class want to just walk up to a deck the little bastard. He is one of those who has to offer his opinion on everything, and as I have said I can respect someone who disagrees with me as long as they can at least make an intelligent argument. But this kid is such a fucking idiot. He rants and raves on the evils of stuff made in china, but he has at least 3 pairs of Nikes, and last time I checked those are not made in the USA. But the one that really pissed me off is him and his little jackass friend got discussing the war one day, now I have my own faults with the war but I still support the troops. These two little assholes got on the subject of how people in the army are stupid and how they should all be treated as killers. They then got on the subject of free speech. And proceeded to go off on how there is no free speech in the United States because the government won’t let anyone speak against it. Now while I believe we have reached a point of over censorship, I think we still have free speech, I also wanted to take my laptop slam his face down and make him read the screen about the people shot in Myanmar for peacefully demonstrating against the government. Last time I checked none of the peace protests or protests against the president have ended with protestors being gunned down in the streets and police curfew being enforced. Its real easy to sit in a comfortable classroom, in your nice cloths, able to spout whatever bullshit you can come up with, but just once, I would like to send some of these people to places like Iran, Myanmar, North Korea, Cuba, and let them talk shit about the government and learn the true meaning of an oppressive government, the true meaning of free speech, but hey they obviously dislike this country so much and think our government is so evil and cruel, those places would be like a good vacation for them

BW

Polling Date

Well month 1 of the presidential survey is over. And the results are in, and by no means is this scientific or accurate. So here are the final results of month 1

Democrats
Clinton 2 Votes = 25%
Obama 3 Votes = 37%
Edwards 3 Votes = 37%
Richardson 0 Votes = 0%

Republicans
Guiliani 2 Votes = 28%
Thompson 3 Votes = 42%
Romney 2 Votes = 28%
McCain 0 Votes = 0%

The polls will now be reset and month two of polling will begin. Next month will also me a cumulative average of month two and month 1.